I sort of messed up recently. I may have said something that did not come across the way I intended it to. I am once again feeling at a loss. I stand alone in a sea of people. So many who don't understand me, and misjudge me for it. It isn't fair. I told myself that I would come back to change impressions of me, this has been the first stumble, and I don't know if they're going to allow me to claw my way back to my feet. I am ever so grateful to Shaun for coming up to me about it. I need to have people who are able to speak openly about it to me. Not people who are afraid of offending me and so avoid approaching me. These people do more harm than anything else, people who don't dare to bring up the subject for fear of uncomfortable situations make it worse because it festers in silence. I begin to think that the solution to this is to bring to them what they seem to want to avoid. Open confrontation would not be the accurate word, I'm not cocking my weapons and bursting through a closed door with an aim to blast the first person in sight to kingdom come. I want feedback, I just need a chance god damn it. Levin did not help my situation one bit, telling them that I'd gone there and then come back unchanged. I want to believe that I've changed, I had thought that I was displaying some changes... what worries me is that i was wrong. Fuck...I'm one confused person. Unsettled. It affects my mental equilibrium, prevents me taking the stress in my stride. Yeah, it is like what Janice mentioned in the email. I too want to be around people who don't judge me on face value.
On a different note...my sister is insane if she thinks she has no social life...stupid idiot.
