There's nothing to write about these days, although there really is a lot to mention about what happens in camp. i'm just not allowed to write about the things that occur here. It is very hard to determine what would get you into trouble and what would not get you into trouble, so to stay on the safe side, i simply avoid saying anything related to military life. Which unfortunately limits me to absolutely nothing, because my non-military life is limited to one and a half days spent at home each week. Even the few times when i actually meet some friends to do social stuff, i completely avoid talking about military stuff because i don't want to become your typical Singaporean guy. I try to avoid the, "there they go again, talking about army...it's so boring and it's all they ever talk about" scenario. Yet my life, as kenneth has said, completely revolves around SAFTI, whether i like it or not. So i'm not much use when it comes to making conversation with people. It has put a huge ass dent in my social life, which has by now become non-existant, with the exception of a few faint embers glowing every now and then in a fire that is pretty darn close to being completely dead. All that piled on top of my already being chronically disposed to morosity should naturally lead to depression one would think. Strangely, i think i have grown in the past few years. I hope i'm handling things better than i used to. I more or less know what my flaws are and these take time to address, but at least i don't take a "i want everyone to burn in the fires of hell" attitude any longer.
A void widens itself and gradually consumes from within with each passing day. Everything appearing so distant, memories as elusive as the foggiest of dreams. Where has everybody gone?
I look forward to every weekend eagerly, counting down the days, yet when it finally comes, i struggle to find meaningful activities to occupy my time.
Each time i try to describe how i feel, it feels like i am running myself into a brick wall. I'm getting nowhere, and it's been this was for months. I've lost my mojo.
Unsettled and perplexed.
