Sunday, July 31, 2005
This my centenary post! Since i first restarted the blog.
To start with, i must complain about the uncompromisingly busy week i have had. A term break they call it...sure as hell doesn't feel like one. I am most thankful for the 8 hours of sleep i have managed to get though, as a result of the break. It also provided me with the opportunity to get myself more involved with the band. Returning to practices helped me get a grip on that passion i once had for the band....the band invokes in me a feeling that is unrivalled. The essence of that feeling is passion...just pure absolute passion and motivation for a common cause.
If you will it, it is no dream. I'd like this to be the titans alumni's motto. Dare to dream...ideas can only be conceived by those who dare.
My friends go to chalets and bbqs and such things. *huge sigh* I went to Sentosa just once, and it rained... the sun was hidden the whole day, and the sky resembled that which you would observe in gloomy old london. Not much fun in that.
I constanly complain about how my life is a shambles, no time for fun, no time for being a youth. I doubt i've ever actually put in a great effort to alter the situation, but the more i look at the friends i have. I find that circumstances always work against me, and it is demoralising how you have nobody to turn to, to share the shit you go through by being in the exact same situation. Friends in jc are busy doing god knows what, they have their committments i am sure. Felix uses the mj band and tuition as an excuse all the time. So i never see him during titans practice, jonathan has his own life. The TP lads are busy with a ridiculous schedule, and the sp friends...well...they seem to have disappeared.
Perhaps i need a good cry, i don't care what people say about crying, but it helps relieve tension sometimes.
Perhaps i need to be strong, fight the odds, all this time, it's been a lot of absorption. Taking each blow without returning one. I admire Farzana for the way she is, i guess she has attributed it to the band. She is one strong lass, with her mother in the condition that she is in, and her father the hypocrite of all hypocrites. The way she has reacted is...something i should learn from....she sure is a heck of a lot more mature than she once was.
Where's the spirit of the tenacious and combative defender. You must be a fighter, all these demoralising feelings are a result of my getting distracted and becoming tempted to give in. I must retaliate... I'll do it my way, like the Paul Anka song.
I want to stand out, i want to inspire,
i want to make a difference, be one to admire,
My dreams are vague, though big and bold,
if i should so will it, success will come two fold,
Alas my fire grows dim with strain,
as i travel down this path of pain.
But no, these obstacles shall not prevail
i know i shan't succumb and fail.
For I am here to fight it all,
and i will not be the one to fall.
There, written by me, Benedict on the spot right here and now. I'm not quite sure why, but it seemed an effective way for me to express my thoughts. It isn't in anyway a great poem, but it rhymes!!!!!
To start with, i must complain about the uncompromisingly busy week i have had. A term break they call it...sure as hell doesn't feel like one. I am most thankful for the 8 hours of sleep i have managed to get though, as a result of the break. It also provided me with the opportunity to get myself more involved with the band. Returning to practices helped me get a grip on that passion i once had for the band....the band invokes in me a feeling that is unrivalled. The essence of that feeling is passion...just pure absolute passion and motivation for a common cause.
If you will it, it is no dream. I'd like this to be the titans alumni's motto. Dare to dream...ideas can only be conceived by those who dare.
My friends go to chalets and bbqs and such things. *huge sigh* I went to Sentosa just once, and it rained... the sun was hidden the whole day, and the sky resembled that which you would observe in gloomy old london. Not much fun in that.
I constanly complain about how my life is a shambles, no time for fun, no time for being a youth. I doubt i've ever actually put in a great effort to alter the situation, but the more i look at the friends i have. I find that circumstances always work against me, and it is demoralising how you have nobody to turn to, to share the shit you go through by being in the exact same situation. Friends in jc are busy doing god knows what, they have their committments i am sure. Felix uses the mj band and tuition as an excuse all the time. So i never see him during titans practice, jonathan has his own life. The TP lads are busy with a ridiculous schedule, and the sp friends...well...they seem to have disappeared.
Perhaps i need a good cry, i don't care what people say about crying, but it helps relieve tension sometimes.
Perhaps i need to be strong, fight the odds, all this time, it's been a lot of absorption. Taking each blow without returning one. I admire Farzana for the way she is, i guess she has attributed it to the band. She is one strong lass, with her mother in the condition that she is in, and her father the hypocrite of all hypocrites. The way she has reacted is...something i should learn from....she sure is a heck of a lot more mature than she once was.
Where's the spirit of the tenacious and combative defender. You must be a fighter, all these demoralising feelings are a result of my getting distracted and becoming tempted to give in. I must retaliate... I'll do it my way, like the Paul Anka song.
I want to stand out, i want to inspire,
i want to make a difference, be one to admire,
My dreams are vague, though big and bold,
if i should so will it, success will come two fold,
Alas my fire grows dim with strain,
as i travel down this path of pain.
But no, these obstacles shall not prevail
i know i shan't succumb and fail.
For I am here to fight it all,
and i will not be the one to fall.
There, written by me, Benedict on the spot right here and now. I'm not quite sure why, but it seemed an effective way for me to express my thoughts. It isn't in anyway a great poem, but it rhymes!!!!!
Thursday, July 28, 2005
What is it with you lad...why do you always must you always allow yourself to easily slip into a situation where things can and probably will become complicated. But...oh...the the feelings and emotions that come with it all, they present themselve in such a seductive manner. It is just so alluring. I speak too soon perhaps, but if i am any judge of my own person, and i must say that i should be a good one for if not me, then who? I can very well see where all this might lead me to, and i don't wish to get trapped in yet another whirlpool of unintended circumstances. Resilience, stoicity and sheer will power are three fronts which i must assume. Oh you half-witted booby...fie that you should be so susceptible to it.
On a less mournful note, i have had a slight dilemma. I am given the task of coining a new motto for our combined band, a band which has been through a lot, and in the process, has left behind a legacy, which i am proud to have some part in. To represent our spirit, this motto has to be related to self belief and overcoming the odds.
I have thus chosen the following phrases:
Conquer the mind, conquer the impossible
Conquer the will, achieve the dream/impossible
If you will it, it is no dream-->si vos volo is, is est haud somnium(i hope this is a proper latin translation)
Cuddling up Ganging up
this is why i like them so much~!
On a less mournful note, i have had a slight dilemma. I am given the task of coining a new motto for our combined band, a band which has been through a lot, and in the process, has left behind a legacy, which i am proud to have some part in. To represent our spirit, this motto has to be related to self belief and overcoming the odds.
I have thus chosen the following phrases:
Conquer the mind, conquer the impossible
Conquer the will, achieve the dream/impossible
If you will it, it is no dream-->si vos volo is, is est haud somnium(i hope this is a proper latin translation)
All that is left is to pick one....unfortunately, i can't seem to pick the one i like best.
On to the gerbils, they must be the most loving animals ever, it is rare to find such gregarious rodents, watching them look out for one another, each taking a share in baby sitting. It is such a lovely sight. Just to prove it, i shall upload a picture or two.
Cuddling up Ganging up
this is why i like them so much~!
Monday, July 25, 2005
A follow up on my previous post, regarding the most unfortunate rencontre which i had with Vanessa...according to my mother, she lied about going to the police. If this is true, then it was a very desperate attempt to instil fear in me. It certainly didn't work if that was her true intention, because all it served was to make me shock me. Shock at her nature. If it isn't, and she did in fact attempt a police report, my opinion still does not change. So at any rate, i still have a very wary disposition towards anything which concerns her.
Now, the TPJC band concert, and the reasons why i choose to give it a miss. Two factors, firstly, it is a lousy band, i have heard them before, and there is nothing special about their sound or their members. Secondly, i am still very wary of her..... So there, forgiven but not forgotten.
Now i must grumble about how i had to travel all the way to red hill in hopes of playing soccer, only to be disappointed by circumstances and weather...my cousin invited me to play soccer, at Republic Polytechnic, i really don't know why he chooses to play there on a sunday afternoon at 1pm. Frankly, any street soccer court is empty during that period of the day. So i gamely made the journey only for him to call it off because of the rain. Which stopped after half an hour....how disappointed i was at the time. Thankfully, i simply changed my plans and went out with Felix, journey not wasted altogether after all.
I somehow managed to convince myself to buy a Frank Sinatra album.. two CDs for the price of one. 46 songs, at 16 dollars, it was a fair price. I would have bought that Paul Anka jazz covers thing, but i simply did not come across it at HMV. So now i have new material, i've been needing a fresh injection for the past two months, but it has rendered me that much poorer. My next target, ella fitzgerald.
Of late, it would seem that my responsibilities with the band have been increasing. It is quite a turn of events, a mere two months ago, i was not going back for practices. Now, i am part of a small team attempting to set up a combined alumni.
Now, the TPJC band concert, and the reasons why i choose to give it a miss. Two factors, firstly, it is a lousy band, i have heard them before, and there is nothing special about their sound or their members. Secondly, i am still very wary of her..... So there, forgiven but not forgotten.
Now i must grumble about how i had to travel all the way to red hill in hopes of playing soccer, only to be disappointed by circumstances and weather...my cousin invited me to play soccer, at Republic Polytechnic, i really don't know why he chooses to play there on a sunday afternoon at 1pm. Frankly, any street soccer court is empty during that period of the day. So i gamely made the journey only for him to call it off because of the rain. Which stopped after half an hour....how disappointed i was at the time. Thankfully, i simply changed my plans and went out with Felix, journey not wasted altogether after all.
I somehow managed to convince myself to buy a Frank Sinatra album.. two CDs for the price of one. 46 songs, at 16 dollars, it was a fair price. I would have bought that Paul Anka jazz covers thing, but i simply did not come across it at HMV. So now i have new material, i've been needing a fresh injection for the past two months, but it has rendered me that much poorer. My next target, ella fitzgerald.
Of late, it would seem that my responsibilities with the band have been increasing. It is quite a turn of events, a mere two months ago, i was not going back for practices. Now, i am part of a small team attempting to set up a combined alumni.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Been a long week, bad and long. Life does get depressing once in a while. I just hate how everything happens. I can't be entirely resentful, because, without the bad, i wouldn't be able to identify the good. I can however, complain and whine as much as i want. so here goes...
Starting with the worst. I slapped my sister, we were quarelling, its a typical sibling thing. I did not like her tone one bit, now i must add that she has often been scolded by my parents for that bitchy tone of hers, anyhow, stressed as i was, and feeling the effects of a mental and emotional overload, i sent my palm flying at her cheek. Be stunned and read that over if you may. She got angry to say the least, she took a kick at my school bag, and i took a kick at hers, and i broke a few things with that kick....She then went on to quote the bible. If someone should slap you, offer him the other cheek. My initial reaction was ok, why not. Rest assured, i did not slap her...again, because, i had no malicious intent. She threatened to go to the police. I said, yeah sure, why not. And she did. So there you have it, a very objective account of what happened, completely unabridged. I admit i was wrong to raise my hand, nothing justifies it. I apologise...to her, and to God. Now, to carry on, she indeed went to make a report, they told her to reconsider, because i am family. Rightly so, they must've noted how distraught she was mentally, what kind of person in the right mind would report their sibling for hitting them once in a fit of anger..which wasn't fully blown at that. While she made a report, i was coming up with a contingency plan on how to deal with this problem. None if this had anything to do with making her feel better...shame on me, but hah! In the event that i should actually get in trouble with the law, my first action would be to somehow or other get a lawyer. But before i do that, i would call the Newpaper....yes the trashy tabloid. I am sure they'd love a juicy tale like this one. I get a free phone, and publicity. I'd make it seem like i was repentant, which i truly am if you must know, admitting that i was wrong to use physical force, and that i forgive her for destroying my future. At the same time, i would comment on how, she never had real friends before; and how she has always been hanging from a frayed strand of emotional thread; and how she may have issues which require plenty of counselling. To think that vengeance comes before family ties. I would make it seem as though she had serious issues, while i am sorry for a mistake made in the heat of the moment.
Yes, and then i would go on to court and claim that a compassionate animal lover, could only hit a person when strong provoked. I'd get the judge to throw the charges out of court. But the basis of my reaction would be to get her shamed in the eyes of the media.
I was traumatised by the whole incident, i still am. What could drive a person to go to such an extent? Only huge emotional and mental pressure. I am therefore staying as freaking far as hell away from her as possible. No good can come of this. God bless her tormented soul....
Now...on to things not so related to matters all doom and gloom. On wednesday, i met the DA people for gems. I miss them soooo much. Yikes...it's been so long..we hardly get to see each other now, and i was really rather disappointed that we were not hanging out after GM Food. What is saddest is that we probably will not meet up in the coming holidays. hmmmmm
My quizzes are all done, but the work never ends, i have 6 different assignments to complete by the end of the holidays. That is one for each day of the holidays, leaving sundays for rest. A most depressing thought.
All this means that i need som recreation badly....*rubs face in hands*
Starting with the worst. I slapped my sister, we were quarelling, its a typical sibling thing. I did not like her tone one bit, now i must add that she has often been scolded by my parents for that bitchy tone of hers, anyhow, stressed as i was, and feeling the effects of a mental and emotional overload, i sent my palm flying at her cheek. Be stunned and read that over if you may. She got angry to say the least, she took a kick at my school bag, and i took a kick at hers, and i broke a few things with that kick....She then went on to quote the bible. If someone should slap you, offer him the other cheek. My initial reaction was ok, why not. Rest assured, i did not slap her...again, because, i had no malicious intent. She threatened to go to the police. I said, yeah sure, why not. And she did. So there you have it, a very objective account of what happened, completely unabridged. I admit i was wrong to raise my hand, nothing justifies it. I apologise...to her, and to God. Now, to carry on, she indeed went to make a report, they told her to reconsider, because i am family. Rightly so, they must've noted how distraught she was mentally, what kind of person in the right mind would report their sibling for hitting them once in a fit of anger..which wasn't fully blown at that. While she made a report, i was coming up with a contingency plan on how to deal with this problem. None if this had anything to do with making her feel better...shame on me, but hah! In the event that i should actually get in trouble with the law, my first action would be to somehow or other get a lawyer. But before i do that, i would call the Newpaper....yes the trashy tabloid. I am sure they'd love a juicy tale like this one. I get a free phone, and publicity. I'd make it seem like i was repentant, which i truly am if you must know, admitting that i was wrong to use physical force, and that i forgive her for destroying my future. At the same time, i would comment on how, she never had real friends before; and how she has always been hanging from a frayed strand of emotional thread; and how she may have issues which require plenty of counselling. To think that vengeance comes before family ties. I would make it seem as though she had serious issues, while i am sorry for a mistake made in the heat of the moment.
Yes, and then i would go on to court and claim that a compassionate animal lover, could only hit a person when strong provoked. I'd get the judge to throw the charges out of court. But the basis of my reaction would be to get her shamed in the eyes of the media.
I was traumatised by the whole incident, i still am. What could drive a person to go to such an extent? Only huge emotional and mental pressure. I am therefore staying as freaking far as hell away from her as possible. No good can come of this. God bless her tormented soul....
Now...on to things not so related to matters all doom and gloom. On wednesday, i met the DA people for gems. I miss them soooo much. Yikes...it's been so long..we hardly get to see each other now, and i was really rather disappointed that we were not hanging out after GM Food. What is saddest is that we probably will not meet up in the coming holidays. hmmmmm
My quizzes are all done, but the work never ends, i have 6 different assignments to complete by the end of the holidays. That is one for each day of the holidays, leaving sundays for rest. A most depressing thought.
All this means that i need som recreation badly....*rubs face in hands*
Monday, July 18, 2005
Biotech students take their studies way too seriously, grades do not represent everything. So said a wise man, and this wise man so happens to be Ho Thiam Aik, my basic instrumental analysis lecturer. Frankly, i'm quite surprised that he came up and told us this, in a light joking manner, he told us not to commit suicide and to come look him up. At the same time relating how a student of his wanted to take his life away because of BGR problems. He bought the dude dinner man....i am half tempted to confess dark desires of suicide just to get myself a free dinner. Free dinner and imaginary suicide desires aside, he's actually very correct, and it isn't pressure from ourselves alone, but pressure from lecturers like Audrey Yuen and Goh Tong Heng...While their intentions are good, their attempts to wake us up to reality have adverse effects as well. Imagine telling a class of hopeful young minds that the reality of this course is that you may well end up being a lab instruments salesman once you graduate. He dropped that on us in our first year. Heck, if i wanted to sell or clean test tubes, i wouldn't have signed up. Got to learn to take it easy..easier.. Still on the subject of results, i think i screwed up my metabolic biochemistry test today, it seems as though i know bits of everything here and there, but never in enough detail to answer a question an get full marks for it. I see another C+ coming.. And french...kyrie eleison!...that was the hardest damned french test i'd ever done. i screwed it up too....simply because i was not fully prepared.
I was having a most bitter discourse with my parents, about what i am to do when i am done with poly. By the time i am released from the clutches of the army, i will be 22 summers past, my mother says i should work for a while, and save some money to go study overseas or something of the like. Honestly! such an appalling suggestion, why...then i wouldn't be able to properly settle down and start a family till i am 35~! I do want to get freaking married you know, don't you want grandchildren?! With further studies and everything, i will be 29 when i finally get a stable job. Between doing time with the men in green and studying to gain footing in life....how does a social life..let alone BGR fit in? This society is far too competitive for its own good, keep with the pace or get trampled over. The government should ask itself why there is that phenomenon of an aging population, and not what campaign they can rely upon to remedy it. People just don't have the time to raise a family! Well....this is all of course...excluding the mat and minah population, they seem to have plenty of time on their hands...kids at the age of 17...18..19.. It gives me the creeps..have they never heard of birth control or protection?
Speaking of children, the two gerbil pups seem to be growing healthily. I was observing them on the cold saturday morning two days ago. The huge male, my favourite due to his being with me since the beginning, was keeping one of them warm, cuddling up with one of his sons, with the young pup wedged in between them. It was a most loving sight to behold, gerbil family behaviour, raising the young, the other pup was not neglected of course, it was with mummy. I will try to get pictures...just to add color to my logs.
I must remark that i met Kai Wen's Chantel at church, how coincidental. They have a very close knit family. She's the prettiest girl in the family, and Kaiwen's been invited by her to christmas party. He cooked for her and she baked for him, those must be the sweetest things ever!
I was having a most bitter discourse with my parents, about what i am to do when i am done with poly. By the time i am released from the clutches of the army, i will be 22 summers past, my mother says i should work for a while, and save some money to go study overseas or something of the like. Honestly! such an appalling suggestion, why...then i wouldn't be able to properly settle down and start a family till i am 35~! I do want to get freaking married you know, don't you want grandchildren?! With further studies and everything, i will be 29 when i finally get a stable job. Between doing time with the men in green and studying to gain footing in life....how does a social life..let alone BGR fit in? This society is far too competitive for its own good, keep with the pace or get trampled over. The government should ask itself why there is that phenomenon of an aging population, and not what campaign they can rely upon to remedy it. People just don't have the time to raise a family! Well....this is all of course...excluding the mat and minah population, they seem to have plenty of time on their hands...kids at the age of 17...18..19.. It gives me the creeps..have they never heard of birth control or protection?
Speaking of children, the two gerbil pups seem to be growing healthily. I was observing them on the cold saturday morning two days ago. The huge male, my favourite due to his being with me since the beginning, was keeping one of them warm, cuddling up with one of his sons, with the young pup wedged in between them. It was a most loving sight to behold, gerbil family behaviour, raising the young, the other pup was not neglected of course, it was with mummy. I will try to get pictures...just to add color to my logs.
I must remark that i met Kai Wen's Chantel at church, how coincidental. They have a very close knit family. She's the prettiest girl in the family, and Kaiwen's been invited by her to christmas party. He cooked for her and she baked for him, those must be the sweetest things ever!
Saturday, July 16, 2005
The day has not been a lovely one, I have been feeling feverish all day, my senses are dulled, my eyes a tad sore and every scent is tinged with that of my infected yellow mucus. If being sick isn't enough to mar my weekend, I have to study for 4 tests which I must sit for in the proceeding week. Woe is me..... But before I i decide to launch myself into a very typical bout of self pity. I must first rave about how annoyed I am at this moment by Jon's behaviour....Hypocrisy, every so often, one is guilty of it. He misses two masses, and now he is going for a Saturday evening mass which involves a first communion celebration - This means the mass is extra bloody long-. Why? He is going with Felicia. Hah...i thought he would be beyond that kind of desperate act. Maybe I won't understand his situation, after all he is in a way courting the girl. What do I know about such matters, my heart is as cold as a gravestone.
The gerbils didn't get a spot in NGC in the end, it disappoints me. Any consolation comes in the form of the two new pups I found in the tank a day or two ago, who the father is I can only guess, she lives with 4 males...All of them have been doing their best to mount her. Brings you to wonder at the similarities which all males share, regardless of their species. They just want to have sex.
If I do not get my can of beer today, my mood will plummet further....Sitting around trying to study and feeling sour all day can only be remedied by good company. Since that is never available for me when I need it most...I must resort this. Bleah..Nothing has gone my way this week.
The gerbils didn't get a spot in NGC in the end, it disappoints me. Any consolation comes in the form of the two new pups I found in the tank a day or two ago, who the father is I can only guess, she lives with 4 males...All of them have been doing their best to mount her. Brings you to wonder at the similarities which all males share, regardless of their species. They just want to have sex.
If I do not get my can of beer today, my mood will plummet further....Sitting around trying to study and feeling sour all day can only be remedied by good company. Since that is never available for me when I need it most...I must resort this. Bleah..Nothing has gone my way this week.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
By the end of next week, i will be entering the first term break of year 2. It somehow seems to have happened way too quickly. I'm in serious need of a push to get my life organised..with age comes wisdom...and maturity, but not the motivation to put thoughts into action. So now, i struggle to get back on track.
Kaiwen isn't joining us for soccer again, this friday. I've not asked him why, but i can only deduce that he is on yet another date with his beloved Chantel... To be fair to him, it is unfair on my part to jump to conclusions and accuse him of neglecting us - damn, starting to sound like a bitch- but in the past few occasions, he was absent because he was with her. It's disappointing, to see so little of him. One and a half years after graduating from that hell hole, and the bond within the group is pretty much intact. Naturally, we are more than willing to give each other his own space and time, live goes on unfortunately, and you learn to deal with it or get left behind. My only gripe however is that, it has been roughly 3 weeks since we have met up, and i miss the bastards!!
Now, to bore myself with a recollections of mundane activities. I must begin with whining about the state my toe is in. It hurts, it has been getting better, since i applied the wonder goo Zam-Buk on the swelling. I'm not quite sure how it got injured, but i think it has something to do with how i cut my toe-nails..It hurt a little before i did the 4.5km jog on sunday. And it hurt like blazing hell on monday. I stupidly aggravated the pain until it spreaded.
I am not sure if i mentioned this before, but on the very same sunday i discovered the niggling pain in my toe, i went all the way down to City Hall, from home, at the request of my sister. She was going for a concert, and she most STUPIDLY forgot to bring her ticket. So she rings home, and asks that i bring the ticket down for her. Most surprisingly, i obliged, but not without a lot of grumbling... If that doesn't show brotherly love i do not know what does. Frankly, my relationship with my siblings is quite bad, i treat them with contempt very often, and i label them with deragatory terms more often than not. But its all a facade, a mask for my inability to show affection. I'll admit it to myself, and all who may read this, while i detest their failings, i still care. And since we are on the topic of failings, on the way home, i met my sister at the MRT, she'd forgotten to take her tickets again. FOOL.....
I'm listening to Heaven Knows, by Rick Price, by far one of the most sappy love songs i have. I think its the age....i must be going through some phase, where i listen to songs which are overloaded with romantic clichés and and woeful tunes. Which reminds me that i am in need of a good deal of new material, my stock of Jazz tunes is starting to become overplayed.
I must now return to studying the miracle of my body's ability to synthesize the energy required for creating stupid blog posts. Au revoir...
Kaiwen isn't joining us for soccer again, this friday. I've not asked him why, but i can only deduce that he is on yet another date with his beloved Chantel... To be fair to him, it is unfair on my part to jump to conclusions and accuse him of neglecting us - damn, starting to sound like a bitch- but in the past few occasions, he was absent because he was with her. It's disappointing, to see so little of him. One and a half years after graduating from that hell hole, and the bond within the group is pretty much intact. Naturally, we are more than willing to give each other his own space and time, live goes on unfortunately, and you learn to deal with it or get left behind. My only gripe however is that, it has been roughly 3 weeks since we have met up, and i miss the bastards!!
Now, to bore myself with a recollections of mundane activities. I must begin with whining about the state my toe is in. It hurts, it has been getting better, since i applied the wonder goo Zam-Buk on the swelling. I'm not quite sure how it got injured, but i think it has something to do with how i cut my toe-nails..It hurt a little before i did the 4.5km jog on sunday. And it hurt like blazing hell on monday. I stupidly aggravated the pain until it spreaded.
I am not sure if i mentioned this before, but on the very same sunday i discovered the niggling pain in my toe, i went all the way down to City Hall, from home, at the request of my sister. She was going for a concert, and she most STUPIDLY forgot to bring her ticket. So she rings home, and asks that i bring the ticket down for her. Most surprisingly, i obliged, but not without a lot of grumbling... If that doesn't show brotherly love i do not know what does. Frankly, my relationship with my siblings is quite bad, i treat them with contempt very often, and i label them with deragatory terms more often than not. But its all a facade, a mask for my inability to show affection. I'll admit it to myself, and all who may read this, while i detest their failings, i still care. And since we are on the topic of failings, on the way home, i met my sister at the MRT, she'd forgotten to take her tickets again. FOOL.....
I'm listening to Heaven Knows, by Rick Price, by far one of the most sappy love songs i have. I think its the age....i must be going through some phase, where i listen to songs which are overloaded with romantic clichés and and woeful tunes. Which reminds me that i am in need of a good deal of new material, my stock of Jazz tunes is starting to become overplayed.
I must now return to studying the miracle of my body's ability to synthesize the energy required for creating stupid blog posts. Au revoir...
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Reality bites...it bites and rips a whole chunk out of your enthusiasm and zest for life. How does one strike a balance between letting reality depress you and letting dreams get to your head. I left secondary school full of confidence and bravado. Ready to take on the world with my confidence alone. Nothing could conquer or surmount the impregnable barrier of aplomb which i had erected around my person. I must say, that four years in Ping Yi never prepared me to meet the world outside and its harsh truths. A year into my polytechnic education, and i am feeling demoralised, like a self-important minor noble, having learnt the true size of his stature through humiliation by one of royal blood. Only the top ten percentage of the cohort has a significant chance of entering a local university. I haven't achieved a single A, not even through the elective module. So that puts me firmly, in the much dread category termed MEDIOCRITY.
Demoralised and down in the dumps.
I should repose for now, the run around Bedok Reservoir has tired, time to recuperate....Shortest entry in a while, but a tired mind accomodates few thoughts.
Demoralised and down in the dumps.
I should repose for now, the run around Bedok Reservoir has tired, time to recuperate....Shortest entry in a while, but a tired mind accomodates few thoughts.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Water Wisteria...
I have fond memories of this plant, and based on those memories, i made the judgement to try my hand once more at underwater garderning....small scale.....well just this plant. It's been two days, and the signs are promising. I made a stem cutting and stuck it in the gravel based on speculation and the remote mention derived from the internet, that they grow roots easily. Now, the cutting is responding amazingly well to the light, as is its parent plant and my java moss. For best effect though, it would seem that i should add more gravel. The setup is a biotope, based loosely on the fishes' natural habitat...but it is sadly lacking in ornaments, like a piece of driftwood. Another item to add to my already mile long shopping list.
I bumped into her at Kembangan Mrt on Tuesday, it was only fitting that i should have bumped into her while she was tinkering with her phone, sending out her smses, as is typical of her. Shared a few moments of conversation as we waited for our respective trains, and i'll have to confess that, even after such a long time. I still get a tingle each time i chance upon her. And the rencontre left me distracted with thoughts of her for the better part of the day. Such is the curse, i have been left with, that it should entrap me in reverie.
And now on to the statement which Jonathan made but a mere half hour ago. "we never actually do shit together" In this he meant watch movies...stereotypical teenage activites. And this is in ten years...eleven years worth of friendship. Not that it is of much consequence to me, we do more mature things together. So it is quite apparent that friendship, comes in a great many forms, and more often than not it is most beneficial, regardless of the activities we participate in together. I often wonder what it is that has kept us close for a decade. Thats a long time, its half of my ruddy life.
My aunt mentioned that Sally - my dog- is beginning to show the ravages of age...well she did not phrase it quite like that, but she certainly mentioned that Sally is beginning to show the inevitable signs of aging. All things come to an end, life is only special because it has a limit...death makes every moment experienced all the more special. A fact of life to embrace, although i really wonder what i should do without her loving and loyal presence. Her presence at my feet while i sleep, or under the bed, have always had a comforting effect on my person. When i feel lonely before i retire, she somehow manages to fill up the void in me. This is the therapeutic and magical effect pets are famous for. Undivided affection, and a mutual reliance both parties had on each other. My kids shall have the privilege of having the company of furry and scaled friends from a tender age.
Sleep beckons, and my rant comes to and end
I have fond memories of this plant, and based on those memories, i made the judgement to try my hand once more at underwater garderning....small scale.....well just this plant. It's been two days, and the signs are promising. I made a stem cutting and stuck it in the gravel based on speculation and the remote mention derived from the internet, that they grow roots easily. Now, the cutting is responding amazingly well to the light, as is its parent plant and my java moss. For best effect though, it would seem that i should add more gravel. The setup is a biotope, based loosely on the fishes' natural habitat...but it is sadly lacking in ornaments, like a piece of driftwood. Another item to add to my already mile long shopping list.
I bumped into her at Kembangan Mrt on Tuesday, it was only fitting that i should have bumped into her while she was tinkering with her phone, sending out her smses, as is typical of her. Shared a few moments of conversation as we waited for our respective trains, and i'll have to confess that, even after such a long time. I still get a tingle each time i chance upon her. And the rencontre left me distracted with thoughts of her for the better part of the day. Such is the curse, i have been left with, that it should entrap me in reverie.
And now on to the statement which Jonathan made but a mere half hour ago. "we never actually do shit together" In this he meant watch movies...stereotypical teenage activites. And this is in ten years...eleven years worth of friendship. Not that it is of much consequence to me, we do more mature things together. So it is quite apparent that friendship, comes in a great many forms, and more often than not it is most beneficial, regardless of the activities we participate in together. I often wonder what it is that has kept us close for a decade. Thats a long time, its half of my ruddy life.
My aunt mentioned that Sally - my dog- is beginning to show the ravages of age...well she did not phrase it quite like that, but she certainly mentioned that Sally is beginning to show the inevitable signs of aging. All things come to an end, life is only special because it has a limit...death makes every moment experienced all the more special. A fact of life to embrace, although i really wonder what i should do without her loving and loyal presence. Her presence at my feet while i sleep, or under the bed, have always had a comforting effect on my person. When i feel lonely before i retire, she somehow manages to fill up the void in me. This is the therapeutic and magical effect pets are famous for. Undivided affection, and a mutual reliance both parties had on each other. My kids shall have the privilege of having the company of furry and scaled friends from a tender age.
Sleep beckons, and my rant comes to and end
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Tralalalala
Pardon me if my words come without diretion or sense, for i have had one too many rounds of wine.
Tonight, was a night of revelry and intemperance. I shared two bottles of Chilean red with my cousin, and we emerged from the Ochard Hotel ballroom, two very jolly youths indifferent to all worldly affairs. The wine we so willingly indulged in all night through was made of the grape Carbernet Sauvingon, one of my favourites i must admit. While it was agreeable with my palate, i still prefer the taste of their Australian cousins. The course of the night was most pleasent to say the least, it involved much cheer and good spirits, exuded by laymen and men of god alike. We were commemorating Father Micheal Arro's Sacerdotal Golden Jubilee; his 50th aniversery as a priest. Much of the night was akin to a Priestly jamming session, if such a thing should exist, what with personalities including the lifes of Father Luke Fong, who sang Lift Me Up, by Josh Groban i believe and Brother Michael from SJI singing a drinking song, which, however, ended halfway. The cherry on the top turned out to be our most reverent Archbishop Nicholas as he graced the stage with an Italian number, such was the joy and spirit of celebration, shared all who had the fortune to be present. Many a toast did my cousin and i propose to each noble priest who took to the stage.
Through the course of the night, alcohol and good food aside. One phrase, has remained with me, a phrase which has much relevance to us all, and has as such made a permanent impression on my mind. "Each day is a gift from god" Father Arro himself mentioned this as he thanked us all for our presence. He said that everytime he asked somebody how life is, they would reply, "surviving...dragging on" and anything of the like. He took the opportunity to remind us not to become trapped in the reminiscence of the "good old days" but to remember that today and tomorrow are just as good.
These are not his exact words though, one must bring to mind the fact that i was slightly distracted at the time, seeing as how i was concentrated on finishing a bottle of wine, which my cousin and i each took one home for remeberance.
Anyhow, i was not too intoxicated to heed those words, each day is indeed a gift, which is priceless beyond human ability to comprehend. This gift, carries along with it, a chance for me to make the best out of my situation, no matter how dire or how insurmountable each task may appear to be at the time. It takes a wise man to take heed of words of wisdom, and i would do well to remember that at each obstacle i encounter, to have faith, in my ability and God's ability to help me find away to win over all difficulties.
Saying as i have, i also understand that these things are easy to proclaim but hard to enact. And that when the time comes for me to avail myself of the wisdom i have learnt from my elders, all is more often than not, forgotten, for there is little reason to be found in a person under the pressure of hardship. And i am fully aware that after a short period of time, words of wisdom fade away, and the clamour and bustle of more mundane activities take control of our actions. For the time being, it is sufficient that i am aware of how valuable each day truly is.
As for people like my friend Farhan, who are of the opinion that life is just too long, and too hard. This is something which you must eventually come to realise. Life is given to us, so that we may live it to the fullest, and overcoming an obstacle can only make you a better person.
It is quite clear that Bacchus the greek god of wine has me in his clutches, for i am spouting nonsense.....i bid thee adieu then, most beautiful night, as my bed sings a song which i cannot resist, a song of sleep and respite, a new day beckons, and i thus douse the light.
Pardon me if my words come without diretion or sense, for i have had one too many rounds of wine.
Tonight, was a night of revelry and intemperance. I shared two bottles of Chilean red with my cousin, and we emerged from the Ochard Hotel ballroom, two very jolly youths indifferent to all worldly affairs. The wine we so willingly indulged in all night through was made of the grape Carbernet Sauvingon, one of my favourites i must admit. While it was agreeable with my palate, i still prefer the taste of their Australian cousins. The course of the night was most pleasent to say the least, it involved much cheer and good spirits, exuded by laymen and men of god alike. We were commemorating Father Micheal Arro's Sacerdotal Golden Jubilee; his 50th aniversery as a priest. Much of the night was akin to a Priestly jamming session, if such a thing should exist, what with personalities including the lifes of Father Luke Fong, who sang Lift Me Up, by Josh Groban i believe and Brother Michael from SJI singing a drinking song, which, however, ended halfway. The cherry on the top turned out to be our most reverent Archbishop Nicholas as he graced the stage with an Italian number, such was the joy and spirit of celebration, shared all who had the fortune to be present. Many a toast did my cousin and i propose to each noble priest who took to the stage.
Through the course of the night, alcohol and good food aside. One phrase, has remained with me, a phrase which has much relevance to us all, and has as such made a permanent impression on my mind. "Each day is a gift from god" Father Arro himself mentioned this as he thanked us all for our presence. He said that everytime he asked somebody how life is, they would reply, "surviving...dragging on" and anything of the like. He took the opportunity to remind us not to become trapped in the reminiscence of the "good old days" but to remember that today and tomorrow are just as good.
These are not his exact words though, one must bring to mind the fact that i was slightly distracted at the time, seeing as how i was concentrated on finishing a bottle of wine, which my cousin and i each took one home for remeberance.
Anyhow, i was not too intoxicated to heed those words, each day is indeed a gift, which is priceless beyond human ability to comprehend. This gift, carries along with it, a chance for me to make the best out of my situation, no matter how dire or how insurmountable each task may appear to be at the time. It takes a wise man to take heed of words of wisdom, and i would do well to remember that at each obstacle i encounter, to have faith, in my ability and God's ability to help me find away to win over all difficulties.
Saying as i have, i also understand that these things are easy to proclaim but hard to enact. And that when the time comes for me to avail myself of the wisdom i have learnt from my elders, all is more often than not, forgotten, for there is little reason to be found in a person under the pressure of hardship. And i am fully aware that after a short period of time, words of wisdom fade away, and the clamour and bustle of more mundane activities take control of our actions. For the time being, it is sufficient that i am aware of how valuable each day truly is.
As for people like my friend Farhan, who are of the opinion that life is just too long, and too hard. This is something which you must eventually come to realise. Life is given to us, so that we may live it to the fullest, and overcoming an obstacle can only make you a better person.
It is quite clear that Bacchus the greek god of wine has me in his clutches, for i am spouting nonsense.....i bid thee adieu then, most beautiful night, as my bed sings a song which i cannot resist, a song of sleep and respite, a new day beckons, and i thus douse the light.
Friday, July 01, 2005
I've been suffering from the effects of a dour and rather sullen phase of late. Thankfully, a bottle of beer has given me some reprieve. I must admit, however, that Corona Extra is one of the damned smelliest and slightly sour beers....the after taste it leaves does not agree with my palate. But i do not complain too much, i needed it.
Today wasn't very nice...i found myself feeling rather lonely went i got back home. I needed to go out and release some tension, but who could i call? Jonathan was undoubtedly busy with his female classmates i conceive. It was not in my desires to dine at home as well, so i set myself on searching for the elusive 30cm lamp i have wanted for some time. After lots of walking and looking around...i found nothing which suited my purposes. I thus, returned home empty handed much to my disappointment. I am not wont to go through in detail the mundane aspects of my entire outing, for it achieves nothing for reader or myself. One thing or worthy mention is my chance encounter upon Diyana! It has been so long, and for a while, i had wondered if she was still around. She's an old friend, a person whom i remember to be bubbly and sweet. She's grown, she looks more like a woman now. Indeed nobody is exempt from the effects of time, whether it be to their advantage or disadvantage. Seeing as how i have such a fond opinion of her, it would not be wrong to expect that i should at least stop and converse with her for a moment. I didn't however, all it was limited to, was a few smiles, and a hello, and one backward glance. Fie! for my conduct...So cold and altogether unfriendly. What deluded mindset i had at the time, i know not... But, i henceforth shall never behave in that manner ever again!!!!!
Oh..my cat is whinning to be fed...as a matter of pricinple, i shall wait until she sees it within herself to make the effort of a journey up the stairs and to ask it of me personally!
Today wasn't very nice...i found myself feeling rather lonely went i got back home. I needed to go out and release some tension, but who could i call? Jonathan was undoubtedly busy with his female classmates i conceive. It was not in my desires to dine at home as well, so i set myself on searching for the elusive 30cm lamp i have wanted for some time. After lots of walking and looking around...i found nothing which suited my purposes. I thus, returned home empty handed much to my disappointment. I am not wont to go through in detail the mundane aspects of my entire outing, for it achieves nothing for reader or myself. One thing or worthy mention is my chance encounter upon Diyana! It has been so long, and for a while, i had wondered if she was still around. She's an old friend, a person whom i remember to be bubbly and sweet. She's grown, she looks more like a woman now. Indeed nobody is exempt from the effects of time, whether it be to their advantage or disadvantage. Seeing as how i have such a fond opinion of her, it would not be wrong to expect that i should at least stop and converse with her for a moment. I didn't however, all it was limited to, was a few smiles, and a hello, and one backward glance. Fie! for my conduct...So cold and altogether unfriendly. What deluded mindset i had at the time, i know not... But, i henceforth shall never behave in that manner ever again!!!!!
Oh..my cat is whinning to be fed...as a matter of pricinple, i shall wait until she sees it within herself to make the effort of a journey up the stairs and to ask it of me personally!