I went back to Ping Yi today to visit the teachers with Jasmine, Stephanie, Kai Wen, Felix, Kai Yee and Joel. I did something stupid, i keep doing these stupid impulsive things.. For some reason, i have always been predisposed to finding trouble with figures of authority. Today, i let my impetuosity control my behaviour and i was rude to the school security guards. I just keep repeating these mistakes without ever learning.. I spoke with a tone of defiance and hostility, unbecoming of a youth of my maturity and upbringing...The only thing i achieved was to delay the whole group at the gate, and gave them the perception that i am an impudent, insolent and saucy boy... I'm disappointed in myself..
The visit was really quite uneventful...i've come to realise that most of my teachers still don't really like me. My reputation as a fractious person precedes me....It hurts a little, to find that they aren't really all that interested in my welfare, in spite of the fact that i am grateful to them for all they have done for me over the years. A most disappointing visit it was. Ummar and Sameer, don't like going back because they feel no sense of belonging to the school. If only they knew how lovely the atmosphere truly is...so homely..so kampong. Contrasted with the vibes i receive from Springfield, i would pick Ping Yi any day. Back to the teachers then, maybe i am too sensitive, although i don't think that i am. It just seems that i was never really close to any teacher, when i was a student, most of them would rather not associate themselves with my volatile personality. I must concede that the way i behaved at the guard post today only justifies their opinions.
The DA people want to create a DA blog. I welcome such a prospect, it sure is a good way for us to communicate....that is if everyone is willing to contribute, at the bare minimum, a weekly post.
*sways to oldies on 90.5 FM*
A rather exciting and busy weekend once again, i'm getting quite used to these crazy weekends. We cycled to mustafa this time...and i ran into trannies again. They were thai this time, certainly not less skimply dressed, in fact, they looked several times more realistic than their local counterparts. This odd fascination i have with them is beginning to seem strange, their thoughts represent such a huge mystery to me, and can only tantalize my curiosity more with each encounter. This time, the tranny, made eye contact with me and stuck her tongue to the side of her mouth in a lusty manner. I certainly hope she/he/it was amused having done that to an innocent and undefiled young lad of good up bringing...-_- I simply stood there with a distracted look, attempting to look as if i hadn't noticed.
I discovered over the weekend, that the Titans will probably split after the outdoor next year. It was a very heart wrenching realization. It hurts to know that 4...5 years of work should be undone by a selfish woman bent on furthering her own status. She does not understand what it is like to be in a band, let alone a combined one that has come to learn the meaning of success after years of struggle. A young band, yet to reach the peak of its potential, a figure and role model which both schools identify with, a symbol which brings about pride to both, students, parents and teachers alike.
On a side note, Stomp is coming to town, and i badly want to go watch it, any interested parties?
A rather eventful weekend has just passed. To begin with, there was a gathering at my place involving my father's and aunts' old friend who were from SJI. They were a rather vulgar lot at times....one who had excellent tatse in wine was a weird sort...i must admit that i don't really wish to meet them again. After most of them had left, i left the house at 1am to go cycling. We ended up cycling along changi coastal road at roughly 4am. Now that was an incredibly experience, the road seemed to stretch on forever, there were lights and trees at regular intervals throughout the whole stretch of road, and eventually it became monotonous and depressing as hell. Damn good thing we were in a group of 6. Cycling alone in that area could kill a person. We later arrived at Changi Village, and i shared a few words with the resident trannies... one called me over. It freaked my out really bad. Later i chatted with two, i started by enquiring on their rates...and it somehow turned into one of the trannies asking if i would like to wear her bra...and that she loved seeing men in bras. I was traumatised. I shan't bother describing saturday. But i must mention that i am happy to discover that i am not the only one very adamant about my sister's inability to become a "DOCTOR". Even my aunt shares my opinion. I must once again mention that it is to no small surprise on my part, that my mother would be willing to send my sister overseas, rather than send me. As a diploma holder, i stand a high chance of skipping a year in a degree course. My sister on the other hand will have to complete all 3 years or more... Which would be a more worthy investment i ask you. The injustice of it all is appalling...
On sunday, i was supposed to meet Shane at 7am at the Kembangan MRT station, but due the event of the preceding day, i had not had my fair share of sleep, and only a phone call from him roused me from my slumber. Thank heavens my phone was not on silent mode, i dread to consider what that might have resulted in. In any case, we made it down to Hougang in time for the children's mass. Now the people of this parish have a weird practise of lifting their hands in the air during mass. That worried me, how could a repulsive protestant gesture insinuate itself into our sanctity. What i did like about the church was its architecture and that very disturbing statue of St Paul holding up a finger, which suspiciously resembles the middle finger, though it isn't. Anyhow, helping out in the youth activity was a huge learning experience for me, i got to know quite a bit more about a friend's life. And i also experienced what participation in a church youth activity is like. From a very objective and impartial point of view. I think OLPS is much stronger parish, but these people are young, and there is quite a good amount of potential within their core. I foresee a bright future for them. Still on the topic of youths and church, Jonathan asked me to go for the youth mass on Saturday. I have never been very fond of these youth masses and catholic youth gatherings, and that is putting it quite lightly. They always try to make mass more hip and palatable for the youngsters. I applaud their efforts at trying to reach out to the youth, but it is a real turn off for me. I have always prefered the normal masses, where things are more solemn and sincere. Maybe i'm just a cynic who grew up too quickly for such activities, i have always prefered to be on the organising end of them.
Well to the essence of it all now, i am thankful for this weekend, the one weekend where i managed to do absolutely nothing related to work.
I was listening to the song "Ben" by jackson 5. Michael Jackson sang it, when he was young, human, black and normal. I had it on repeat, which is a pretty self-indulgent thing to do. Considering the song is about a Ben, and having a wonderful friend like Ben. *huge grin* Nothing beats being a Ben!
I am going to screw up the female reproductive segment of tomorrow's quiz. I had intended to complete studying it by tonight. But i allowed myself to get carried away playing a gameboy emulator.....crap...my life is getting sad. At least i am trying to remain upbeat, Anatomy and Physiology is one of my favourite subjects.
What is it with some of my friends and talking about hot girls and bedding girls? I know that it's all light hearted banter and stuff, nothing really serious. But you will never catch me talking like that. I admit that i do enjoy a good bit of connotations and euphemisms, but that's because it's all really funny. And while it may be in my head that girl X is hot, i think it is showing respect for modesty by simply keeping it in the mind. It is about expression of thoughts, i could hate a person to bits, but still be civil, because there exists this line of respect which is better left untouched. Ok, big talk yeah...but i really don't talk about a girl's ermm...assets. I make conscious effort not to!!
Oogenesis and the menstrual cycle are so tedious......
The future is bleak...and my morale with regards to my education is busted. It has hit an all time low. I have signed up for the most unbelievably overrated course in Singapore's polytechnic education. There is only one thing a diploma holder can become... a lab techinician. To make things worse, i have lecturers who tell you that you may even become a salesman. It is so FUCKING depressing. I am actually beginning to regret, for the first time since starting school, joining this shit. I am entering a saturated job market with poor prospects for career advancement. Nothing against the lab technicians, they are a wonderful talented lot. But i want more than that. Job satisfaction is everything to me, being able to feel a sense of achievement is right up there at the top as well. Being stuck as a lab technician till i retire is....the most scary prospect that i could come up with, and it is oh so realistic. If i had enrolled in a JC, i wouldnt be facing this problem. I would have a social life....which is really quite non-existant at this point, and i would have options, plenty more options. SRJC would have allowed me to take Biology, while other JCs would have rejected me outright. All the hype about a diploma in biotechnology, all a bunch of freaking misleading lies. Heed my warning as i caution thee now, consider long, and consider wisely, seek good counsel for thou knowest not what thou put thyself into when thou sign up for this shit....
What makes it worse is that my parents do not seem all that keen on funding overseas studies. They seemed pretty supportive of my sister's misguided dreams of being a doctor after her As...what about mine. My mother expects me to work after NS and save money to go overseas to study. Reasonable to an extent, i should not be a parasite. But where in fuck's name does that leave me after i have finished my education? As it is, i do not have a life, if i did that, chances are, i am boing to die a damned virgin! Damn society, damn the paper demands, damn the 2 years the army is going to steal from me and damn everything to do with the DIPLOMA IN BIOTECHNOLOGY at Singapore Polytechnic. FUCKING BE DAMNED......
I was reading blogs again. And Natasha's blog is just so bloody disgusting! Every post is of Max and herself. What worsens it is that it is not just words but pictures. God awful mushy kissy pictures that make my stomach turn soooo bad. Nothing against the couple, they are both friends, but dang it....it just makes the contents of my gut flip!!! Do they have to always be so darned touchy and mushy, it's almost surreal....watching them talk on the phone and kiss each other kiss corners.
The Ping Yi seniors have been, and it seems at this current point, always will be a bane in my existance. I can never understand their logic. Their herd mentality. After 2 years.....70 percent of the time, i am the only Ping Yian senior returning for band. Where's the passion man, i know i'm different, what makes me different is a sense of duty, maturity to a slight extent and passion. That is all you need to be a senior, i beg you all, please come back once your O levels are completed! Ok, so i am being a little harsh, but it comes with the stress i have been under.
Looks like tomorrow's going to be another caffeine driven day.
I need new boots, ever since i started using my adidas, i haven't been able to hit a rich vein of form. They're too stiff for a stiff broad footed person like me. So i will be blowing yet more money on a new pair.....It has been getting more and more difficult to control my budget.
The band will perform at the Padang tomorrow, i hope they will put up a show worthy of our reputation.
Yesterday was perhaps one of the worst days of my sorry-ass life. To begin with, after getting a lift from my father, down to the MRT station. All the way, i had this niggling feeling that something was amiss..and then I realised that i had not brought along my thumbdrive or a soft copy of the report due on friday. So i made up my mind and determined to rush back home and retrieve the file. Being in haste, i did not think quite as clearly as i would have normally liked. I grabbed my old mp3 player and stuck it in the computer as it was loading- just before the login screen- and voila~ the computer stalled...right there...a black screen of nothingness. Blood beginning to boil, i decided to grab my creative mp3 player, the one with the soft copy of the report-now my mp3 player is busted, but the thumbdrive worked fine on thursday, so i decided to put faith in it- how wrong was i.....at 2pm, an hour before the lecture during which i was supposed to hand in the report, as i was about to print my report, i discovered that even the damned thumbdrive couldn't be read! I then rushed off from the library with a book which i wanted to borrow to aid me in my next report. In my attempt at borrowing my first ever book from the school library, i realised that i had no pin...and could not make the loan....!! So much for getting aid.... Discarding the idea...and the book, i rushed to the MRT and reached home without incident. Once again, in great haste, i began printing my report, only to make a mistake in the page sequence. At this point, i was mentally screaming "nooooo....this is just cruel, you have totally got to be kidding me....!" I had intended to make it back to school by 3.30pm, thus missing only one third of a 1.5hour lesson. This unprecendented delay really rocked my morale! Having printed the report, i rushed down to school, and ran from Dover MRT to T5...which is a 6...7 minute walk away from the MRT station. When i finally reached the class, it had ended early and the lecturer had left!! ARGH....so i ran up to his office, one the fourth floor, the lecture was on the ground floor of a different block i should add. And there he was just about to leave. I run to him, and apologise for tardiness...only to have him reject the report...telling me to hand it in on Monday...
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT! i made all that effort to hand it in on time, and i am given an extension! This must be God's idea of a cruel joke....or to quote every other protestant nimrod...."he is testing you"
So, with the mp3 player out of order, it would seem that i have lost some pretty important information for the band handbook, curse my damned luck. Not only have i lost an important source of entertainment on 45 min long trips, i've lost vital information.
Recently, my thoughts have somehow or other led me to ponder on what it would be like to live in the medieval age. Life was so much simpler then....this is what i have understood from reading fantasy novels. You become an apprentice to someone, roughly at the age of 16. So from birth till then, you more or less help the family, or live life to the fullest. You graduate from apprenticeship to the status of journeyman. And from there you progress to the highest level...master of the craft. I could choose to take over the family farm, or to venture out in search of a different trade. Sign up with the local baron, be part of the garrison. Dip my hands into mercantile speculations should fate dictate it so. Knead dough with a baker, bang hammer on anvil with a blacksmith. And should all else fail, turn to that which requires only passion and some sufficient education, poetry~! Homer was a beggar! In modern times, everything requires qualifications, in those times, a letter of recommendation or testimonial would have sufficed...now it is all getting a degree, even then, one must choose to get one from a recognised University......*huge long sigh*
Jie yun invited us for her BBQ birthday celebration. It was great fun, seeing old friends, just doing fun stuff again. I don't think i've had much fun in recent times. Good clean mindless and lame fun. We started slow, but it worked out brilliantly in the end. To begin with, just BBQing food together was enjoyable, it's probably the most simple and fun activity to do at any BBQ. Just cooking....or burning food together. Then i decided to load my self with a little bit of vodka...it's all in a good cause of course, to help me any barriers that existed. *grins* so i had roughly 4 shots of vodka. And we went on to play UNO.....a rigged game of UNO...they managed to arrange the draw twos in such a way taht i'd always end up being the one having to draw the nasty cards.....so i lost, and that's when they came up with the ridiculous notion of playing "ice and water" GOD~! i wasn't tipsy, but alcohol has its adverse effects regardless of how strong your resistance is. It was crazy! It ended with us trying to take photos and speculating about planning a simple small chalet during our common semestral breaks, a wonderful idea to say the least....lord is miss these people so much...We've all grown...it would seem that i have not changed one bit. A figure of consistency? One already grown? One yet to grow? i can'y produce an answer for that one. But i'd like to think it's "One already grown, with yet more to grow" Candace is more lady-like now, she's really unique and special, a truly one of a kind girl, especially for a ping yian. Xiu Jun has remained much the same, prettier now i must confess, she was attractive when we were schooling together but she hold more appeal now, and she's into tennis! how about that? Rayner is all muscles and lean meat. Sebastian's hair becomes more radical with each day. Jie Yun the birthday girl is slimmer and more attractive now. Xiuting seems to have slimmed down a litte, Poh Chin looks nicer too but they have both remained pretty much the same in terms of personality. I should think that the person you are in your last year of secondary school is the person you will probably remain to be in many years to come.
How time flies and how we grow...as god is my witness, i will invite these people to my wedding...if i can find anyone who would suffer to spend the rest of her life with me.
I have no looks, i have no charm, i search and look for my cherished one.
I just spent 30 dollars on an Edith Piaf collection, i'd better start learning what her songs mean. Songs in french....difficult to catch their meaning. My next target...something bossanova either that or Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole. So many to purchase, so little money, so little time.
Today started weird, i was annoyed having to go to school simply for GEMS...the only consolation was seeing the DA chaps. They are always...i emphasise the ALWAYS a joy to be with, it was the first time in a long time that i had seen Christine. Wonder how she is getting along. Stef was in a grumpy mood, it seemed to improve gradually. That's always a good thing. Shahid an Arisya were "couply" they both wore baybeats shirts.
Right..i need my sleep, a little more Edith Piaf and jazz research and i am off to visit the sandman.
Filming was completed today. It's a wrap~ I agreed to help stef and jas with their livewire project. Although the long hours of filming eventually became incredibly tedious, i had a ball. Simply getting together to do these things with some of the DA people again, was more than compensation enough for the effort put in. The whole project was very artsy..footage and all. It's all quite new to me, and all the different shots from different angles proved to be rather intriguing.
So that's roughly how i spent my two 12 hour days. School's started, not such a wonderful thing, there go my 8 hours of sleep each day. shit...my thoughts are jumbled, i can't get a single coherent topic out of them.
Oh, but i do remember feeling extremely annoyed this afternoon, on my way to school. There was this couple with their toddler son on the train. What i will never understand is why they had to make the gremlin wear sandles which squeaked as bloodly loudly as your average rubber ducky each time you take a step! The pipsqueak filled the train with loud ear piercing squeaks all the way to Jurong East, i wanted so badly to clobber him and his parents with the tripod i was carrying! It just figures that the parents would be chinese nationals. Damned inconsiderate mainland chinese, they actually found the racket bloody amusing. Everyone was visibly irked by it, that kid will never get kidnapped...not with those noisy things attached to his ugly mainland chinese feet....I must seem quite evil for entertaining ideas of bashing the skull of a toddler, but i have never been fond on kids...related...not related, it matters little. I hated myself real bad as a kid, i only began liking myself as a teen, which i guess explains why i hate children so much.
The new girl in class has just left for NTU, to do an engineering course....how...cliche?? it seem as though there are way too many A level holders going for engineering courses at NTU. Janice came to sp to do biotechnology, what's she doing enrolling in an engineering course? Is society so competitive that people are more interested in getting a degree and a then a job, than they are in job satisfaction? I don't presume to know her motives, but it just seems that way to me. At least she's dumped that douche bag koon ting. What kinda shit name is that anyway....
Bah....i'm going to do something more productive...
