I've fianlly received my blue beret. Hoo ya..and then...not so hoo ya. For now...the hell truly begins. PCP started today...well BMT ended today, that means PCP has started. To mark the beginning of the end, we were made to leap into the murky and pungent waters of Sembawang and then roll about in the sand of the sad excuse for a beach. Then we were made to do a great many diamond push ups...50 to be exact and prior to that roughly 40 standard push ups. Then we ran around the parade ground twice, while breathlessly singing our "anthem" The Frogmen Song. Finally, because many were unable to keep up with the pace of the run, we had to crawl half the way back to our cabins...roughly 500-700 metres away from the parade ground. So i am now shagged beyond that which is normal. I normally dislike going into detail about my NS experiences, because they're usually statistics from the numbers of times i did this or that particularly excruciating exercise. This time however, the introduction to the next phase has left me so indelibly affected that i just had to give some material to my thoughts on the matter. On a more deeper side of things, i do find myself with a gargantuan task in front of me. The training will be hard and i shall be expected to maintain a certain standard in order to make progress. my pull-up count being one of my many worries. Ok that wasn't so profound was it. Having completed basic military training, i suppose i am poised to make the next step into the dark and murky waters of divers training. I am experiencing some anxiety because i sometimes find myself worried that i shall not be able to meet the criteria. Well one step at a time then...
Immediately upon booking out this Friday, i took a cab down to Ping Yi for the last night of band camp. I never imagined that i would still be going for band camp even while i was in NS. Some things never change, and i wonder for how many more years will i keep on doing this. Probably not much longer... Yet who could accurately predict what might happen in 5 years' time. I really do miss certain things about band, especially since i no longer have the freedom to choose where to go on weekdays. Nearly a quarter of each weekend out of camp is spent with the band. No regrets about it though, because it is an opportunity, brief as the period may be, to spend some time with friends whom i would otherwise not be able to meet if we did not all have this one activity in common. Dinner last night burnt a great big hole in my pocket. It's rare that i should spend so much in one night on one meal. Yet, the food at Melt was so wonderful and the spread of the buffet so wide it left us wondering what to place on our plates with each new round. It basically consisted of world cuisine, food from India, Japan, South East Asia, Europe, and other parts of the western world.
I think i am finally about to succumb to the overwhelming jaded feeling one typically gets before a booking in each week. I used to be able to stay positive and keep myself upbeat in an effort to maintain a good attitude towards everything. I always tell myself that that is the best way of completing my obligation to the nation. As it is, my reluctance to leave home for camp in a few hours' time is increasing as i create this entry.
I've been hearing a lot of the phrase "life is such" recently. From my instructors and off late from Mdm Nava as well. It was never my favourite phrase because i've always felt that it suggested a certain amount of resignation in the face of undesirable circumstances.
I rather dislike Sundays now. Having spent whole Saturdays in the company of many people...friends and family to whom i am close. Sundays always seem so dreadful in comparison. I seem to suffer a strange withdrawal because i don't have much company on Sundays. I feel excessively lonely, agitated and jumpy. Sometimes, i get to go out with Jon, and that helps to alleviate the symptoms. Other times, especially today, i find myself wondering about what i'm going to do for the rest of the day in order to kill time..or rather to make the best productive use of it. I've tried watching TV the whole day, but that never really worked out, because it felt so anti-social. Then again, i was never a social butterfly to begin with. It's is utterly frustrating to spend half my Sunday moping about the house. I can't wait till i complete BMT. Maybe i'd feel better once given friday night book outs.
Strange how my entries have started become shorter and further in between. I told myself i'd pen my thoughts on paper in camp and transfer them to this medium when i got back. But i could never bring myself to take a look at those thoughts again. I treat them as though by reading them, i might inadvertently alter something which would result in a great change to everything in the present. A change that i couldn't cope with. I dislike change...
