I got up feeling grumpy of Saturday, my exertions from the night before possessing a carry-over effect on me. I'm sorry if i was rude and snappish... I spent the earlier part of today doing my work, and studying for a test to come in 5 days time. It is fairly awkward for me to be starting so early on a quiz, i usually leave it to the night before. Well not this semester. If doing as much as i can to boost the GPA even slightly so that i may leave the school with some measure of pride.
The FYP report is in it its infancy...indeed it is but struggling to walk right now. I can barely get making citations correct. My literature review quite likely has huge masses of redundant information that i should read through and sift out. At the very least, i can console myself with the fact that i am putting in effort consistently.
MY grandmother turned 83 and we had the celebration at our place. With mom's side of the family it never ends late. Everyone was more or less gone by 11. I'll never get used to it being that way. I also find it difficult to have a conversation with most of my relatives on this side of the family. Few if any at all are from my generation, there is a distinct possibility that i will lose contact with them when i am much older. Not good. With regards to my grandmother, well she's very very old, and really so weak now. I saw her struggling to get seated on the sofa. I didn't know what to do or how to do anything at all in order to aid her.
Ok...so i know my sister has a boyfriend, and i'm going to find out who it is soon enough. I've my suspicions but it's all so strange to me at this moment that i wouldn't make a claim with any conviction.
I am...very ashamed of my conduct. Brutish and bullish are terms that are too kind to be used on one such as i. I can only thank my friends for the patience they have showed me. I don't think i am worthy of it. I shudder to think that 2 years ago, it would have been much worse. I was volatile then, volatile and inflammable. Now i am just highly volatile.
I am worried about the way Zach is going, the implications of addressing Kenrick as Kenrick rather than Mr Poh in his absence rather than in his presence are not good at all. It suggests that he is beginning to forget about his place or status in the big picture. More importantly, it would seem that he is trying to shed away what should be a deep rooted and healthy respect for a mentor and elevate himself into a position that he is not worthy of, and even if he should become worthy of it, it would demonstrate that he has forgotten his humble beginnings.
I had intended to write a long post about how i think it is a fucked up thing to skip lessons for no bloody reason at all. Couldn't bring myself to do it, because the vehemence which would have filled the post would have been directed at a friend and...i must be going soft or something. At any rate, i still think it very annoying when people skip classes, without good reason.
Went to Al Forno's which is situated along East Cost Rd this evening for dinner. I sure didn't regret it. Lately i have been more willing to spend on good food, thanks in no small part to kenrick and felix who obviously share my passion for eating good food. We then headed off to Syafiq's place. He has a nice house, its well designed and even though it is an HDB flat, it seemed plenty spacious as compared to my own house. My house is cluttered with lots of junk, i don't even know where all the stuff comes from, but, it must be one of those family quirks where we can't help but accumulate stuff in heaps all over the place. Something like how other families argue a lot or complain a lot, or are perhaps neurotic about cleanliness and other such peculiar traits. I hope my own home when i grow up won't look like a garden shed.
My sister is arguing with somebody on the phone now, she's annoying because it is distracting. Well...mostly because i wanna know all about it. She actually suspects that i have romantic affairs occuring in my life outside of home, how little she knows of me then. Fancy asking Joanna if she knew about my love life...non existent as it may be.
All this talk about life science graduates being unable to find jobs in Today had me seriously concerned at first. Now it's beginning to seem less and less relevant to me. Every letter following the original article was about doing research and working in research laboratories trying to discover the cure for cancer kinda thing. I just find that all that doesn't appeal to me, well right now i don't, perhaps in 6 years time or so that opinion may be different, i don't want to be stuck in a lab all day long. The recent spate of letters and that article seem to looking at things from a very narrow point of view. It has provided sufficient view points from other branches of life science. Things are bad in the job market, becoming a lab technician seems to be a job that you get only if you're lucky. oh damn it, the only thing i know is that i want to work with nature...animals to be slightly more specific.
I've been rather grumpy since Friday, it's a little strange because i don't know the cause for it, but my temper seems to be trying to break free from the scant amount of self-control that i possess. Why just last night i threatened to break my brother's nose~ Well i never really intended to break his nose, it was just a huge heap of posturing to make a point, but my mother took it very seriously indeed. I think i am going to be really happy to go to the army, away from the family more often, too much family ain't always a good thing.
Ate at Pontini's in the Grand Copthorne. Food was really good, not a very great spread by any means, but just sufficient. Drank red, white and sparkling wine. That meal left me filled to the brim for nearly 2 hours. Bought new street soccer boots, they're silver again. It is not that i like the colour, i was just unlucky this round, i would honestly have paid 9 dollars more to buy the black pair that felix got.
Isabel Yee, the Genomic Technique teacher and youngest teacher in the faculty has been calling me Dominic...i prefer the spelling Dominique....anyhow...she's been calling me Dominique, and i have been claiming that my chinese name is Xiao Ming.
I'm kind wobbly right now. A bit too much whiskey in the bloodstream. Alcohol in the bloodstream can be quite be quite a nuisance.I felt insulted by a waitress at a chinese restaurant, she wouldn't give me beer because she thought i was underaged. I know that if i get angry at a small matter like this, it would kinda imply that i am quite clearly underaged and quite clearly unable to handle intoxication and such things. But i felt insulted anyway. Tonight, i learnt something about one of my relatives. I found out that she's more well read than i am. It's good to know that i am not the only one in the family who has read classics. At least i now know that i am not entirely freaky for my propensity towards reading books written a hundred years ago or so. On a very random note, i had so much chocolate cake just now, i'm beginning to feel guilty of over consumption in spite of my slight intoxication.
The practical part of the project seems to be completed. Today's gram staining marked the conclusion of our time in the lab. No more irrate techinical supervising officers to deal with, no more bacteria to culture. About time we began placing some focus on the report. On one hand it feels excellent, to be moving on. On the other hand, i am worried about how we are going to pull this off. It's hard to have faith when you are a natural pessimist. At least my results are the opposite of everything i want. That way i don't have to deal with ambiguous data that require stressful interpretation. I can at least say that "we tried but were not entirely successful and here's the proof that we tried".
On monday, we went to Jack's Place. My first adventure in that establishment, and the first time i was eating Fillet Mignon. The ambience was satisfactory but they gave me corn and broccoli. Who eats that stuff anyway? I'm far better off way greens such as lettuce.
I was utterly bummed this evening, i sat around feeling glum for a good 3 hours or so before i trotted off into the haze suffocated atmosphere to get my weekly dosage of football.
I was looking forward to dinner on friday for the better part of the week, the stress build up across the week leads to a friday which usually represents a huge release, the only time i walk out of school with a spring in my step rather that heavy footed trudging. Off i pranced, only to have a boulder land on me in the end. I don't blame her for not being able to go, just couldn't help but feel like there were a thousand sighs stuck in my chest waiting to be released.
You miss the whole point of course~. It was supposed to be a friday night out, release, good company, and plenty of smiling. Just one person not going along changes everything, it just isn't the same.
After football, we sat at the coffee shop at block 55. Routine post-soccer chill out place. Ummar was insightful enough to point out that everyone had changed in some way or another, that made such a difference outwardly that the change could be seen and felt as an improvement on themselves. All except for me of course. I have a slightly rueful play across my face right now. So true. It's something i've known for some time, and it is beginning to worry me, very slightly only of course. My development as a man..or a person for that matter has been stunted somewhere...i don't know where, but it obviously isn't going perfectly. Testimony of this happy little fact came from my classmates during our hour long incubation period this afternoon. Pauline and Miko were busy plugging away at my defences, convincing me to host a class BBQ. I tihnk they're pretty curious about me or something. For starters, i have a reputation as a very mean and quite often a selfish person as well. Then it just clashes with all probability that a person possessing such a distasteful personality should have any affinity at all for nature or animals, which i obviously have in spades full. OR it could just be the fact that i am the only one inhabiting private property...so ma maison has the capacity for hosting a nice number of guests. I of course said that i'd ask my parents when in actual fact, i could as easily have said yes on the spot. I'd like to observe this odd fixation with having a class outing at my place for a bit more before i finally relent. I think my classmates deserve nicer treatment from me. Gosh...my mates from the secondary school gang deserve it too, i'm just making myself look bad by going on the way i currently am.
Having a blog that's public yet not so public can be such a pain. When i need an outlet to express certain things i actually have to think thrice...nay...four times just in case it might be a bad idea. Some words are just not meant for all to read.
I had got my hair cut...the i sat my ass down in the big barber's chair and placed my bag on my laps, before i know it, that huge piece of cloth is covering my body and he's snipping away at my unruly hair. I didn't even tell him how i wanted it done. Damn, i must be really predictable. The only words i said to him were... "can i have it a little bit shorter".
She's matured, grown into a woman, she really is heaps prettier now. Changed quite a fair bit over the last couple of years. I look at myself... now what is it exactly that i've become? Certainly i have not become more desirable!! hah.
I lost my camera, and i got it back. What a stroke of luck. I can't stand the fact that my father kept emphasizing how it was my casual attitude towards it that got the damned thing lost in the first place. I was stressed that day, i beat myself up the whole day after that. Lay off man. What matters is, at least i got it back.
Played football on friday and saturday. I think i may have scared the crap out of some of the band people with my ferocity on saturday. Damn it, i can't help it if i have to scream at them when i don't feel like they're focusing on the game. Football is a passion man. Friday's football was interrupted by the police...who wanted us to play actually. But they'd received a complaint from some sore loser basketball players who wanted the court, i told the police very smugly that we'd go to the other basketball court to play. And we did that, only to find the usual characters there....secondary school mats. I think all mats should just die.... DIE... DIIIIEEE
Dajie came to play on friday, we were speculating on going overnight fishing some time soon. And then a holiday to some place like tioman around the end of the year. I don't know how likely it is that any of these plans will come into action, but i can remain hopeful can't I?
