End of the holidays. My final semester begins in slightly over 24 hours time. I resolve to dig in and devote all my faculties to pushing my cumulative GPA to 3. I know it probably will not succeed but i sure as hell am gonna try.
My brother and sister have significant others. One is taking his N levels, the other her A levels. Yet, none finds the need to fully prioritise it seems. Well, they don't know that i know that they have special friends... I shall keep it that way and use it against them in the appropriate time. Felix has awful timing....it is most annoying for him to blab about my supposed chinese woman in front of my sister, especially when it's all nonsense and they are prone to getting the wrong idea about it. Won't be the first time he's done something similar.
Damned licorice gouramis are so shy. I've not seen them eat or swim around curiously. I don't even know if they're alive sometimes. I suppose a certain level of patience is necessary, so i should just keep putting in live tubifex and hope that they're chomping down on the slimy buggers while my back is turned. Thinking about them reminds me that i have to go get more ketapang leaves to tinker with the pH. This shall not be a source of stress, if they die so be it, i will just go get some other gouramis or B. simorum.
I was forced through undesirable circumstances to go help huifang with her homework on my own. The little sneak brought Mandy and some other girl along. That really wasn't part of the bargain, and it really irritated me. Damn it but i'm quite sure i don't wish to help her anymore.
Sameer said something on Friday night after a rigorous two hours of soccer. "Ben finally admits that he's a loser" That is roughly what he said. Good heavens man, how well do you know me, honestly? Clearly your perceptions of my person are stuck in muddy impressions formed 4 years ago. I've finally put my finger on why i really can't stand going out with you people. Your opinions of me are so firmly set in stone that i feel like injustice is being done against me. You people...i have known since 2000...that's 6 years already, and yet..you don't even properly understand a fraction of my personality. I give a cryptic answer to a question that allows you to interpret it as you wish and you say i always give a story instead of properly answering the question. Frankly, all i said was 4 words. 4 words are quite insufficient to be deemed a story i tihnk. I'm tired of this. The next time i meet you people, i'm just gonna shut the fuck up and leave you to your own machinations. This way, you won't annoy the shit out of me, and i won't confuse you. Don't you just love simple solutions?
Cyril Chua...you are coming back today right?! WELCOME TO HELL!!!!!!!
I had to wake up at 530am today to reach dover by 7. Getting up that early is never an easy feat, especially when you find yourself jolting awake at 2am heart pounding with fear at the prospect that you might have overslept. The professor was at West Coast Pier, this time we had experienced help in our quest for furry sponge-associated bacteria. So we brought back these thick wedges of sponge abundant with brittle stars in every nook and cranny with the hope that they might yield our elusive furry bacteria..otherwise known as actinomycetes. Cyril Chua...you shall forever be my target of fury. Should this project succeed...i would not credit you with anything except for helping us find this NTU professor dude. Your advice is worthless and your experience is non-existant. Fancy being the first ever group in Singapore to attempt such a ridiculously ambitious endeavour.
So we brought the stuff back and worked the day through till 530. By 2pm i was edgy, my nerves were stretched taut and i was trembling with stress. Damn the stupid media we had to use, mixing your own media is tedious and takes a huge toll on your focus. Shahid and i have reached a consensus about this. If this last attempt should fail, NO MORE, we're done with it, we'll wrap it up and present whatever there is to present. DAMN YOU CYRIL CHUA. Oh and damn my buddy group for being stupid and ignorant and entirely undeserving of the success they have attained in isolating furry bacteria from their soil samples. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it hadn't been for me, you would never have found that great book which has brought you thus far. I do the research and they benefit from it...
If it hadn't been for Shahid, you would've fucked up your antibiotic concentrations.
If it hadn't been for that trip to Pulau Hantu with us, you would never have gotten furry bacteria because your previous samples were topsoil! Well you can blame Cyril's stupidity for that. So much for providing guidance.
I grope and i feel my around the dark room searching for the light switch. Alas, it is not to be found for my guide has told me to search the floor for the switch while it hangs from the wall, 5 feet above the floor.
There's band tomorrow, i'm glad this is the last week before the year-end break. I need the breather, too much band gets you thoroughly jaded.
Results are due tomorrow, i hope i get Bs.
Lightning does strike twice. Cyril Chua you pussy-faced son of a rabid bitch, you have done it once again. I now have to deal with yet another screw up caused by your irresponsible ways. We met the professor on the 30th of September, and on that very night, i sent you the list of the ingredients required for our new media. On the 7th of September you sent out that order. Now we have everything...but one ingredient. Peptone. That leaves us without the desired media and a completely messed up experiment plan. So much for all that planning. It goes to naught in the end. What in the name of all that is good and fair must i DO to pass!? I do not know how many more of these setbacks i can withstand. The group doesn't deserve this. We're here fretting away, and you're off on a holiday somewhere out there not caring a shit about what's happening. This has happened so often we just can't react to it any longer, it's becoming a normal thing...when screwing up becomes normal...you know it's time to start flipping.
I had an insight. The time spent together in close proximity makes all preconceived notions of such typical interactions fuzzy, it gets you confused between what is normal and what is special. Thown off balance, i require time to strike a new balance. I'll work it out, i want to and i must, because nothing could be more important than maintaining the status quo.
It's really hard to differentiate sometimes between the various potential causes of conflicting emotions.
The chalet was enjoyable. I ate..i gambled, i drank, i played computer games, i had many conversations. I just wish it had been cleaner and that i had had more to drink. These things seldom meet my expectations of what i deem ideal.
Body language. I read a book called the definitive guide to body language.
Three interesting points.
When a girl flicks her head and her hair along with it regardless of its length. She's interested in you, because she bothers to look good for you. This is followed by using her hand to brush her hair back. This exposes her arm pit to release pheromones. Holy shit man...pheromones...i guess if i think a girl stinks...she's obviously not liking me one bit.
If she's exposing her wrist to you. It means she likes you. Something to do with the wrists having the most thin and sensitive skin on the body.
Her hand bag. It's the most precious thing to her. Don't look in it, don't open it without her permission. If she puts it near you, she's interested in you. If she asks you to retrieve something from it or lets you touch it...she's interested in you.
Entertaining book to say the least.
Oh, and what is it with men and boobs? well this book had an answer too. Big mammaries...represent a peak in fertility. Makes it more appealing to the more basic instincts of a male. You know...having to continue the survival of the species and all. The more fertile the better.
I thought i was gonna go to Jln Kayu for a prata supper today...i felt cheated because we didn't go in the end. So i stuffed my face with 2.5 slices of pizza.
I felt the urge to write. So i logged in. I sat for a while thinking of something i could put to words. Nothing came. I considered writing a little about how my sense of humour might be related to my mean and bitter nature. Doesn't seem like a fun topic to dive into. Then i considered writing about how nobody seems to understand. Then i realised how awfully self-absorbed and narcissistic this whole thing is. But nobody's gonna care or understand but myself. So don't i have an excuse for being self-absorbed then? Heck...somebody has to be selfish...if anyone's gonna take care of my welfare...its myself. To put it plainly. I don't trust in humanity. And i'm deeply suspicious of good intentions and kindly gestures. Every now and then, i have insights, fuck good those have done me by the way. I take note of it, but nothing changes in the end of course. One of those things is a deep abiding distrust towards almost everyone. So now and then, i let things slip, interesting little tidbits about myself that amuse people, it's not because i trust the people who get the information. It's all very calculated. I calculate the risk and the gain. If the implications of what i say will benefit me in future, and if i find its a useful string to tug. I'll spill it all.
Shit, what was getting at before? I seem to have lost track of my train of thought. Oh...yes.. i don't trust people. This could do me in.
I found out a while ago, that the girls in my catechism class thought i was a freaky pervert. That's fairly amusing. It hurts a little. Actually quite a bit. Well, i was never very good at creating an impression. I'm just going to keep the fuck away from those people in future. Scum. I guess i always new they didn't like me, probably the reason why i didn't like any of them myself.
