Release less edicts, and pave the way through example.
If a command has to be made forcefully, ensure that it is wrapped up in a thick padding of leather. Hold a knife blade to his kneck, and he will do it, but it will be an action he was forced into, and he will claim no pride in it. If anything goes wrong, the holder of the blade will take the reprecussions the hardest. Turn the order into a suggestion, and his obeying the order becomes a matter of free will, and he will stand by those actions because he owns them.
In this way, victories won are owned by all, the leader revels in his men's achievements and the men feel like they have contributed and will hold the victory as a personal achievement.
To summarise it, the less you impose, the more they will follow, Doing it like this, upon the achievement of success, the follower will feel credited for it, because he will have felt that
he owned a part of the decision making.
The best incentive is inclusion. Be generous with your attentions, as every boy seeks the approval, so do the soldiers the approval of a respected commander. Granting subordinates that little bit of access to yourself is motivation on its own that will perk up morale.
All this i got from a damned story book, not in the exact same words, but that's pretty much the gist of it. Screw all of them self-help books and their authors. Quite unnecessary really. Just get a proper story book to read and you're well on your way to a better you.
I miss some friends...DA people in particular. You guys are distant now. I guess when you get caught up in school and work and whatnot. Certain things just start slipping down the priority ladder. I feel that this group is pretty much the bottom rung already. Not my bottom rung of course, hah, that place is occupied by my gerbils....furry little creatures deserve better i know..
NEH NEH... end like never end like that leh... pardon that little burst. OK, so they are no more, a band as much a creation of my own efforts as it is theirs. And yet, the feeling is one of detachment. It was just another day, and just another performance. There lies within, a vague sense of loss, but that is where it ends. A very subdued final stand, which is a pity because a good 80 percent of former titans and plenty of other neutrals are definitely quite oblivious to the split. If there is one thing i mourn, it is the end that doesn't justify the existance of something quite so different and special. No tears shed... the end was 2 years ago for me. This split might actually bring about some good.
Shit, and now Janice, Kenrick, and Kaiyee are privy to one of the little itty bits of information that i try my best to keep deep below the surface. This just shows that Farzana is the last person you would like to reveal stuff like this to. I don't blame her of course - after all i never specified that the information was exclusive, i did hint though...-, but this is majorly inconvenient. Oh what the heck, i enjoyed the looks of surprise on their faces. Janice's reaction in particular was rather amusing, "i was beginning to think you weren't human" Its funny that they were...till today... so oblivious of it. I peppered my blog entries over that period with hints about it here and there, maybe even half a post dedicated to it. Still, i managed to make the post draggy enough to deter them from bothering i guess. Always been successful with that.
Janice brought up something about hearing a story saying that kaiwen was a possessive boyfriend from somebody. I was a little surprised to say the least, the basic reaction was just har..? Kaiyee and Felix were far more indignant about it. I must concede that the faith they have in kaiwen is really something. They were immediately so sure that he wasn't like that, he can really be quite the gentleman after all. Should i be ashamed? Nope. I wouldn't have thought any less of him even if it had been the truth.
I have to curb my prodigious impatience and temper. I let it loose on the way back from Malaysia. Ahh.. It left me so drained, emotionally and physically when i finally returned home. Immediately after that was done, i set it upon James Tan during band. But in the two instances, i presented different types of anger. Hot and Cold. I'd given it much reflection in Malaysia, as i waited for the replacement coach - our coach had broken down leaving us stranded in the deserted bus park - Anger... it is like a drug, intoxicating, but better than a drug, it is empowering. It can potentially give you the strenght to do this you never considered possible, it gives you confidence too. Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. Am I in denial? No, not really, i am not trying to justify my unleashed anger and ornament it with pretty flowers. The power brought about by anger, is a creature that is meant to be controlled, it must be kept on a short leash.
Hot anger, it controls you, when you allow an anger to contol you, it becomes this all-devouring monster, the basic diet of which, is really yourself, because it eats you up from within as it tries to lash out at everyone else around. This kind of empowerment will only lead to doom eventually. Hot anger is like hot steel, malleable and weak. A sword is not a weapon until the steel has cooled. Hot anger, is the abuse of the empowerment that comes with anger. I must learn to control it and turn it into cold anger.
Cold anger is cold steel, merciless and ruthless. A weapon of self-righteous vengeance. A weapon which when wielded by the right person and for the right reasons, becomes a weapon that can lead to changes. Cold anger can be wielded to effect justice. It is the control of power, using it to do what it was meant to do in the first place.
When one lets anger control him, he becomes the weapon or even the pawn of anger and not the other way round.
Hot rage, will land yourself in an ambush. You will be trapped with no escapre as a result of your own impulsiveness. Cold anger will, is delibrate and calculating. It is, as far as anger goes, open minded, the only constant being the desired outcome, the pursuit of which, is stubborn and unrelenting.
When i lost control in Malaysia, it was a hot rage, i had no control over the power, which just overwhelmed. I was unreasonable and very rude. Huge embarrassment to my family. Let us hope that there will be no repeats of that. If i had turned it into a cold rage, undoubtedly i would have found ways of alleviating my suffering at the time.
12 hours later, as the Alumni and the Band rallied together and launched an assault on that imbecile. I took a cold vengeful approach, the righteous approach. The results were marvelous, and entertaining for us all too.
Anger can be a good thing...when controlled.
A number of things have been crawling under my skin this weekend. Namely that jackass Cyril and his incompetence. On wednesday we told him we would be needing an ice box for sampling, on satuday, i asked him if he'd have it for us. He said he would have to check! Irresponsible prick.. And then I asked him if the journal we ordered had arrived. He says there's no news...indeed... perhaps you could make the effort to give us an expected arrival time? I don't have the patience for inefficiency. Then i ask about the agar, has it arrived i say? I'll check for you tomorrow says he. GOOD HEAVENS MAN! You don't inspire any confidence in me whatsoever, and if it comes down to it again, i will not hesitate to riase my voice at you a second time...in front of your colleague! In doing so, i shall make you look like the dumbass you are! Moving on, my group members are soo..passive, why do i have to arrange everything. DAMN, i hate being leader, when i'm the responsible one in any group...you know something is dreadfully wrong... I am not supposed to be the responsible one, NOT ME! Why am i doing so much of the research!? oh..because i feel jumpy about the pace it's travelling at. But don't they feel the least bit worried too? If they do, i'm really not feeling it. Weather's being a bit of a bitch too, high tides at 12 noon...earliest low tide is 5am in the morning.. that leaves me caught in the middle. Ok, i can't blame the weather for this, it was my own stupidity to jump ahead with planning the excursion...without first checking the details of the weather. Another happy little fact is that storms with thunder and lightning are predicted of the next three days! Then i have to worry about identifying Sea Sponges, not the biggest problem really, but an issue nonetheless.
My first step should be to step to one side. Take a DEEP breath and take stock of the situation. Organize my literature to start with. *Priority* Bergey's manual, get the relevant sections photocopied ASAP. File up literature. Section for papers on sediment samples, sponge samples, secondary metabolites, identification of species and agar data. THEN, i'll need to draw out sampling procedures to start with. Isolation procedures, culturing, and then look into testing for anti-microbial activity-ability to kill bacteria-
I NEED TO FUCKING STEER THIS THING ON MY OWN... Lead by example if being vocal isn't quite appropriate, have to learn to be flexible right. Here's something else for me to worry about... what if we can't get a boat to Pulau Hantu?
Football is a religion - random phrase of the day.
I was...unecessarily harsh on Janice, i don't know why i treat her so poorly sometimes. It's really something i should be ashamed of. I don't think I said anything particularly unkind or hateful, but I guess i didn't have to. The tone of my voice just says it all. It says everything a page long description could amount to. I'm really too much of a pussy to apologize verbally, but, here it is then, I'm sorry for being so unreasonable towards you Janice.
The balloon hat festival was today. I didn't enjoy it, too noisy... not much use when it comes to having fun. I've really lost most of the enthusiam I used to possess when I went for band in the past. It just seems like I don't quite fit in all too smoothly. I must try a different approach, a different mindset. I'm too fixed in my ways, as stubborn as my mother... Back to the festival. A ridiculous event, the main feature of which, is the bands marching down a short distance of a few hundred metres while they play and dance a little. Doesn't seems so foul an idea at first, but wait a minute, it isn't named the BALLOON HAT festival for no bloody reason. They're expected to make their own balloon hats within something like an hour or an hour and a half, don these hideous creations and prance down the road. Ok, not so bad perhaps, but I just feel that another dimension could be added to it. Or rather...removed.... do away with the balloon hats, make it more interesting. Give it a carnival atmostphere, like the Brazillian carnivals! Lovely colourful costumes a sight to behold, the bands playing, as everyone grooves a little. Heck...add floats and stuff. We need something like that, a real party atmosphere, rather than a bunch of kids banging as hard as they can on drums and screaming at the same time. Give us a wider road to march on too! A road that gives spectators some standing room. I wish i knew my juniors better, it would be so much easier for me to go for band if i actually looked forward to seeing them, the situation is such that, whether i see them or not, it would make scant difference. There's no great attachment or affection between us. Nothing like what i shared with them in 2004, of course expecting the same would be plain unreasonable. Those people were only a year younger than i was. I played with them and we went through the same shit together. With these younger people, i share no common understanding. I don't know how. But i will endeavour to get to know them for who they are, and not compare the time spent with them, with the time i shared with the 04 batch. It just wouldn't do these kids any justice.
I tend to get what i want, i want to make it happen.
I went to meet the NTU professor with Cyril Chua today. Coincidentally, Mdm Noorzura was there attending some function thing. Small world it is. Even smaller country. The talk was very informative and it gave me plenty to think about in terms of the direction to take. He helped me solve my artificial seawater problem by saying just follow the scientific papers. If the papers don't mention how the water was made or its compound composition, i shouldn't bother with the details either. He also opened my eyes to an alternative sampling source which i had never before even considered remotely viable. Get the samples from marine sponges! Every living creature big enough is likely to have their own natural flora. And if found on a sponge, the bacteria is definitely indigenous to a marine environment. Which kicks out the problem of having to deal with bacteria that may or may not come from a terrestrial source.
Oh...but having to deal with my group members is getting me down somewhat. Shahid has a different timetable and Axel's never around. I hate group work, but it is necessary.
Damn Johannan's style of working irks me. He wants to meet up and complete a report in a whole day. I don't understand why we can't each just do our parts and put them together afterwards. I knew i would have to deal with different styles of working when i signed on, what with Shahid, Axel and i totally separated. I will benefit from this i suppose, but it takes some getting used to.
