Ice skating...i never thought i'd do it. But guess what? It actually happened, i donned a pair of skates and hit the skating ring. And boy do my feet hurt now...5 hours skating, and the flesh in the center of my feet where the arch is supposed to be-although my arch is completely non-existant- hurt like blazes. Half my time was spent trying to remaind upright, it was a good first attempt i should think, no blading background at all, and i still managed to pick it up fast enough to avoid awkward and painful falls. Which is the least i can say for Wilson who was constantly falling hard on his backside. Poor sod..the bigger they are the harder they fall.
Hmm, this is rather random, but i should put it down in case i suffer from amnesia in the distant future. My father got the dog drunk, well she wasn't really drunk, but she was damned stoned.. Now everyone who's met my dog knows what a greedy little rascal she is, and she simply loves everything from beer to durians... So we decided to give her some beer to drink and poured something like a mouthful into her bowl, and she lapped it all up happily as if it was just a bowl water. And a while later she was so sleepy she just flopped down in the porch and went out like a light.
The christmas new year season totally kicks ass..it is the only period where i get to load myself with alcoholic drinks and not feel an ounce of guilt about it.
Now i'm listening to the Bee Gees and their unusually feminine voices. At the same time wishing that i did not have to return to school in the coming week, wishing that life would drag on at a slower pace, and perhaps give me more time to admire and wonder at the beauty of simplicity.
I wonder what Jonathan is doing, we've not properly spent time together in the past months. Relationships, they really change things.
I wonder what the soccer gang is doing, how's Kai Wen's relationship with Chantel. Is Sameer, busy working, what about Ummar, his lifestyle is becoming something of a mystery. And there's Dajie, the guy i've known since kindergarten, and Joseph...is he any closer to kicking his smoking habit. We've all taken very drastically different paths in life, although some of our paths do run parallel, for example Kaiwen and Ummar are studying the same shit i am doing, and yet...
Oh and the girls!!! Poh Chin, Xiuting, Grace, Serene... what have you lot been up to? I've not had a whiff of your scents in what seems like millenia! Hell, Aiping...i still remember her... but the last time i saw her was in sad fact...last year, did she disappear from the face of this earth? Not a word from her in eons.
I plead with all of you, come look me up or something. Maybe i should be the one doing it, somebody has to be proactive. Can't have everyone just sitting about and waiting for things to happen. We shall meet soon i pray.
Speaking of prayer, the gospel of this Christmas' mass was bloody strange, the geneology of Christ. He is from one seriously broken blood line. Heck he's decended from a lady named Tamar. It reminds me of the chinese curse "ta mah de"
I've been quite disappointed with my own performance as a senior in recent times. It's been difficult, and i've not been very focused in my efforts on the pitch and off. Geez..it really its putting a strain on me. Band just hasn't been the same, the inspiration's left. God knows... they did well during the camp, an effort that was truly impressive and encouraging. Everyone who stayed over night gave such hope for the future. And yet...something still remains beyond my grasp. That 110% confidence in my actions and efforts, that inspiration, that passion that kept me pushing and driving during the previous outdoor. I miss the feeling, and somethings been blocking it out. Gosh... i don't often say this ... but I feel like a liability. If i go on like this, i might actually develop into a hindrance. I dont' work with the same efficiency any longer, i've not been able to lead the new alumni properly either, and my ineffectiveness has is starting to become rather disturbing, i'm rather used to being in control, being able to turn the tide through sleight of hand. Now the confidence...and arrogance has taken quite a battering, and it has shown in my facial expressions and body language. I have actually begun to doubt my own value as an asset. Nothing is ever easy... I think the coming break from band is going to be very necessary for me to get things back on track. I wish i had the old guard back and helping, it would really help so much, having janice and felix back on the third day of the camp was comforting to a certain degree. I've never been a very gregarious person, but i have always understood the value of having partners and team mates. Lately, it has been as if i stood alone along the battlements of an old keep under the siege of doubt and a sense futility.
The feeling has me jumpy and slightly uneasy, one too many parallels have me fidgeting with apprehension. And yet...i've enjoyed it. What do i infer from that? Time will tell, and i shall endeavour to unveil more of that shroud of speculation.
Elle est très gentille..
Benedict..you are a huge sucker.
My cousin is in her first trimester. I'm excited! The gift of life is beautiful...
This Christmas gathering has been a strange one for me at least, i spilt wine from my cup more than three freaking times. It's worrying... I've not been very focused...god bless me...aye...
Happy Birthday Son Of God.
At long last, much desired respite was mine to embrace with a cheery heart and many warm smiles. The elixir for my weary and jaded spirit. How thankful and relieved i feel, one can't only imagine, but never fully understand. The band alumni outing was some solid shit, unbridled release for my taut nerves. Peals of laughter, bonding of the spirit and mind, the simple pleasure derived from sharing in one another's company. That is all i could ask for in an outing, and that was what i received. Had a mug or two of beer to boot, icing on the cake!
*sigh* Fun like this has become a priceless gem of great rarity.
Today, i learnt that Chang Yuan's ability to hold is alcohol is a dubious thing. Just a mere portion equivalent to two gulps was all it took to put him in a contented smily mood, which saw him resting his head against the back of his chair in stoned silence.
Theft...motive...reprecussions...debate...questions...bewilderment...who were the instigators?
Friendship...a burden and a joy. Essential yet...sometimes i'd rather do without it. In times of bliss, naught but his presence online provides evidence of his existance. When there is a turn of events, he scurries to your side, so that you may shelter him with what scant comfort and support your own weathered and beaten surface can afford to provide. Such are the demands and the duties of a friendship that has till now, valiantly withstood the numerous tests of time. I chide you for your over sensitivity, yet i myself am a victim of such follies. Wise words gone unheeded by their owner, i would do well to listen to myself. And yet, i can't help but feel resentful at the fact that i'm the much neglected second choice. *sigh* oh..the irony, to think the situation you face with her is in so many ways a reflection of the my own sentiments. I feel taken for granted and unappreciated, a feeling you are doubtlessly well acquainted with no thanks to your lady love. hahahaha.
Which brings me to the duties demanded of a best friend. Unwavering support in the face of trials, sacrifices made to ease the unsettled mind of a friend. Yet i've never regreted a moment of it, the benefits have always outweighed the loss. And thus, i assure one and all that i shall always be there to lend aid when you have need of my meager services. Such are the duties of a best friend, impositions which i will always be happy...nay delighted and eager to comply with.
My aunt came over with her brand new modern sewing machine. She sat there with my mother chattering about the quality of the contraption, its unending list of brilliantly convenient features. And finally, the smooth and soft "chug" of its sewing mechanism. Listening to the two ladies wonder at the sewing machine's sound reminded me of a bunch of blokes "aww"ing at the purr of their dream car. Leaves you to wonder at how similar yet different the 2 sexes can be?
Christmas is coming. Good will to all man.
ARGH, i hate school so much. Yet another frustrating day has passed, and as each day drags by. I find myself at a lost for words to describe the amount of bitterness and contempt i feel for school and all to do with school. I don't know how much more of this i can take. The journey to school is a numb robotic routine undertaken out of habit, i stop feeling, i stop thinking and i stop bothering about anything else that happens. I just want it to end! oh lord....where am i going to get the strength or motivation to pull through. I wish Benjamin would just choke on a ball of fish bones. That annoying gasping laughter of his, the way he talks, his annoying behaviour...argh!!!! my brain is so dead and uninspired i can't even find proper insults to describe him with. That whore of shit Pauline, always mouthing the same few phrases when the guys in class "flirt" with her...her feeble intellect limited to a few phrases which include"thanks ahh...." Oh i just wish she'd shut her trap for a whole day, her mode of speech grates at my ears. Surprisingly, i felt sympathy for her today when she seemed in a foul mood, unwilling to joke with that overgrown douche bag with a girl's name, Wei Lin. Oh... he annoys my shit into liquid. With all his stupid opinions on what he thinks is funny, constantly reminding us of his ability to mimic Xu Hailou. His bad taste in music, his bad english... He "opened up" today, told Axel that he would quit smoking if he had a hot girl to "fuck with everyday" by fuck with everyday he meant, to hug and kiss and all that mushy crap that deluded people think love is. That followed by him telling us of his desire to make cookies and give them to all the cute girls he knew during christmas. Unfortunately he admitted that he was a failure with even cookie mix...the result of his one previous attempt ending in soft cookies. Oh...if i had an oven now i'd press his face against the sides of it and bake him as a cookie. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I NEED TO FUCKING SCREAM!!!!!!!
And Amanda...that skinny "beetch* who replaces "I"s with double "e"s in speech. Oh she and her pointless make up and her taste in clothes, short skirts to reveal ugly pale yellow legs. Go to hell and ride the devil's thorned member you disgusting slut!
ohh....what have i become? cynical, bitter, unfriendly, hateful, snide, cantankerous. More human or less human? Just plain inhuman?
So it was a date, i barely recall anything about it, but the fact is that it was one and no amount of self denial could change that. Took me a god awful long time to come to terms with the fact of the matter, insignificant as it may seem. I really kind of needed someone to voice it out i think, so one of the niggling details buried in the depths of my head is finally put to rest.
The past week has been eventful, Farzana's been trying her utmost best at being a pain in the butt, constantly "you know why?" then answering her own question by singing the one and only line that she knows in the christmas carol "Deck the halls". So every hour the petite little monster of a girl is torturing us with her off key singing. Now the tune is a scar in my head, like a brand. I went for one night of the leadership camp and managed to get Fauziah injured, and boy do i feel bad about it. I gave her a bruise during hockey, damned wooden sticks, lethal weapons. That one night was so filled with so many turns, it's lead me to conclude that i've a penchant for attracting the more melodrammatic twists in situations which should end in rather mundane outcomes. So many of the kids got bruised that night, Tahir had it the worst, Boo Keong swung his stick so high that it hit the poor sod in the face, splitting a lip and possibly loosening a tooth.
After the games, we attempted to carry out the nightwalk. It was aborted before it had barely began, overrunning of schedule combined with poor planning led to the disappointing outcome. The alumni is young and surprisingly inexperienced, i find myself in a position where i must now more than ever before assert the lessons i've learnt over the years, to guide this young graduates and the band members as well. The alumni's failed nightwalk did not disappoint me, i was disappointed in my being unable to tip the scales in order to have made it a success. During the planning process, i had that instinctive feeling, like spider-sense, that somewhere they'd
made a big mistake, but i couldn't change it, and i should have tried harder.
Anyway, this people have been instrumental in keeping me going for the past month or so, just their shared company 3 days week has helped bring some much needed balance to my life. I'm worried about how i will cope once we seperate, the potential for a very strong bond is there, i can almost feel it, young and very tentative, yet eager... It is helping to fill up the void left by the DA people, whom i feel so bloody distant from right now. Circumstances have been unkind, even though many of us are still in the same GEMS, we hardly meet up for something as simple as lunch before class, and it's definitely putting this hidden strain on communication. We just don't get to hang out no more, and I DO MISS THEM OH SO MUCH!!!
Hmm, i hope i've been a good senior and example for the new alumni, i made a mistake in my time with the prefectorial board, i got obsessed with the politics of it all. Even now, band politics get my mind racing into a pulsating beat. I have however strived to see to it that my love for manipulation is a complement to my passion and sense of duty. Behaving like a leader is hard, leading is easy.
