A bunch of freshies had me agitated really bad today while i was in the library killing time.
There i was minding my own damned business, when a whole lot of them..numbering 6...7 maybe barged their way through the cramp space and got started on the console to my left. They were trying to rush a report...screw you bastards...reports are homework, homework means it is supposed to be done at home! unless its a data sheet or a tutorial. So this yellow skinned cheena shit dumps their papers on my mouse while i was do my Glycolysis tutorial and they all start yakking at the back while this poor idiot of a poser, gets started on the conclusion for the report. Now i know these motherless swine were freshies because their report format was a shame to behold and it was the first time they were printing something in school. I am still so irritated by their lack of consideration for the other computer users in the library...with the racket they were making...they could have roused a hibernating bear. On my word...they certainly aroused my temper...which is equivalent to that of a bear when his slumber is disturbed. What really turned me off, was the way they were conversing...bad english...jokes which completely lacked taste. Girl- Going to play floorball, come watch tournament, support.
Douche bag - You hit the ball or people hit you? Get it or not, i meant you are the ball....and they all laugh.
At this point, i wanted to stand up and throttle the fat shit..bad enough he can't tell a joke, it didn't help that the standard of his english was atrocious. While i can rave and rant all i like, the truth is...i'll never get to see him suffer and die...or get mauled by a pig. So i shall thus assume a disposition of civility and brush this incident off as i would brush a beetle of my arm.
I went to bedok to get a new hang on filter...after so many years of experience, i thought that i would be able to make an educated choice when it came down to such matters. But NOOOOOOO, the folly of youth strikes once more. I made the impulse buy of a filter that should be too strong for my pathetically small 1ft tank. I have this knack for making a complete idiot of myself.. i never learn the easy way, always have to make a silly mistake first... This applies to all situations i trow...
Tuesday night, my parents left for Hong Kong this morning, at around the break of dawn. I now have the house at my mercy. Alas, it comes at a most untimely period, everyone is caught in the midst of scholastic pursuits. A victim of circumstance, i should really be focusing my efforts on tomorrow's Anatomy and Physiology quiz.. But the heart is weak, i find scarce motivation for studying right now.
Superman Syndrome...i doubt it is a professional term...but i'll take it as it is. I discovered the word in a 2 year old issue of FHM. A brief definition would be, men getting into high gear the moment a woman comes with this problem, and needs a listening ear. Men are drawn to women who "need saving" The man then sets all out in an attempt to "fix" things. This is how i've understood it, anyone with opinions, feel free to approach.
I think i may have that problem....we men tend to feel quite useless when there's nothing to fix. Back to the topic, i may have it... a girl with a problem has always held this magnetic pull upon me. And i will inevitably do all within my poor capabilities to solve that problem for her. I can recall many situations where someone has required a listening ear, and i've always enjoyed providing one. I now bring to mind the adage, " The best intentions can sometimes result in the greatest harm" I'll have to bare that in mind, the next time some damsel in distress comes my way. All i will provide is a listening ear, and nothing more, unless asked for otherwise. I should leave people to solve their own shit, that's how people grow. So Superman Syndrome, i have an eye on you!
Mine phone is back! it has returned to my arms, albeit rather later than i initially intended.
That was a random exclamation.
You never really discover the importance of something till you are seperated from it. I have just realised how much i rely on my phone. It popped out of my pocket as i made a mad dash for the bus. It seems however, to my relieve, that i may have a guardian angel looking over my shoulder, this is the second time it's happened. The last time while i played soccer, both times, my friends have picked it up for me. You would think that having come so close to losing once, i would have been careful that the incident did not repeat itself. But no.....once bitten twice shy doesn't penetrate my thick skull.
My cousin Greg, has a blog, that's a very "wow" thing, most opportune, having known him all my life, i'd always wanted to get to know him better. When with family members, people tend to behave differently, there are these invisible barriers of propriety and civility which must be observed out of respect to those elder and out of consideration for those younger. You are never truly yourself when with family members, yet at the same time, more of yourself, because you know that these are people you can ALWAYS count on, for as they say, blood is thicker than water. So in order for me to paint a more detailed image, i have to know what he is like when with his friends, the wild side, the more liberal side. Till date, i have never gone out with him, a game of soccer looks to be on the cards, as he has invited me should the opportunity arise. It is a good thing that he is leaning toward the ball kicking side, basketballers don't know what they miss. It is a perfect opportunity! It is to my knowledge that he has a tendency for being free with profanities, inspite of which, he is a very sincere and genuine person. This blog of his, opens a new window into another room of his life, in which i have never had the opportunity to explore.
New jeans, and a new long sleeved T-shirt. I've finally purchased...well my mother purchased...i chose, my first pair of...ermm...charcoal coloured?? i just know it's grayish....jeans. I'm slowly inching my way into a more mature look, long sleeve T and stuff. This is a genuine attempt to change my secondary 4, couldn't careless ruffled look. I still inted to look ruffled, my hair prevents any way out from there. But the least i could do is obtain more clothes which suite my style and the image i wish to project. Less graphic t-shirts, more plain, one colour, two colour patterns. More earth and dark colour combinations. I have to get myself a brown shirt, i've never had one in my 18 years of existance. People know that i am no fashion guru....quite the opposite honestly. But i believe that given leeway and a looser budget, i could get a nice wardrobe selection for myself, to emphasise my personality you know! Part of individualising~...or individualisation...whatever the word may be. This is all valiant effort to look more presentable, is in no way aided by the new band shirt... It's a nice change, blends in well with the current interest in class jersey's and stuff...now we have a band jersey. I tend to be in the pioneer batches when it comes to these jersey trends. Highly likely to be the first band jersey!! And my class did start the class jersey trend in Ping Yi. But the coolness of having a jersey rather than a plane shirt aside. The damned band jersey is yellow, because im an alumnus. And to make it worse, its a close fit cut....it hugs to my shoulders and gives me a GAY look! How can i walk around wearing that in public, and feel pride for my band at the same time? It looks like it belongs in the Gay Pride Parade, I'm all for Mardi Gras, but Gay Pride is TABOO.
Temptations to start a second fish tank. I feel like getting a pair of cichlids. I also feel like netting some from the nearby drain, along with a few drab mollies. But i must observe prudence, if i cannot take proper care of the gerbils at the moment. I would surely neglect a second fish tank.
School has been a serious bore. I really do enjoy the subjects i am studying. Metabolic Biochemistry has been interesting, as has molecular biology. Even basic instrumental analysis isn't the dry subject i initially took it for. The problem is...everything else about school is a bore. The highlight of my week used to be Drama Appreciation, that has ended, i have come to realise how much my morale and my emotions have come to rely on seeing each of those nutty chaps every friday. They really lift you up, just spending time with one another can be a blast. I know i have mentioned this countless times, but these people are special, and the company never grows stagnant.
I met my vice principal from kindergarten this evening. She looks as young and vibrant as ever. She asked jokingly if i was married yet, "soon" said i, "in ten years". Definitely have to keep my eyes peeled for that special one. I don't intend to be left on the shelf after the expiry date has been passed. It is quite incredible, how she still remembers me, by my chinese name! Touching really, i do remember her of course, and she will be on the wedding invitation list, along with all the drama people, the soccer gang, some band people, and some prefects i was close to. Have it all planned! The one thing that's left is to get a date...-_-
The song i currently have playing is Duke Ellington's Things Ain't What They Used To Be. Quite apt, considering the mood i am in. It has no lyrics, but the tune speaks a thousand words on its own.
The BBQ was, as expected, a success. The night started slow, and then started to pick up as some of us, most notably Stef, hasd begun to succumb to the effects of alcohol. I myself felt intoxicated for a brief period. Intemperance...i was drinking for the sake of drinking. A habit which should not be cultivated under any circumstances. It was Shahid's birthday as well, and we bought a cake for him. The cake wasn't a bad one thankfully. You can never go wrong with chocolate. As the nights merry making progressed on, we found ourselves playing Truth or Dare...honestly, its been ages since i'd done that. And i have a feeling i the bottle pointed at me the most. What happened at Simone's stays in Simone's. I had to reveal which of the girls....or guys...i would date...christ..there are times when intoxication isn't such a bad thing. It paralyses embarrassment. We got to see a good amount of 'humping' as a result. I am indeed blessed to have met these people. Can't imagine how i would have survived the rest of my life in poly if not for this lovely bunch. I saw for the first time, yesterday, the IJ doll. Holy cow, it was the most suitable doll to represent an association of all girls schools. A freaking butch doll! The IJ doll is a damned butch. Nothing against butches personally of course, but what the heck kind of message is this sending out?
I met Chantel today, Kaiwen's new petite amie! The first thing that struck me when i laid eyes on her was the way her eyes sparkled! Those incredible eyes could communicate more than words could ever relate. She was small in size, truly a petite lass. But her eyes sparkled i swear it!
Oh and i would love to see Simone's group Vocaluptuous perform live! I've already met two of the members. Gerald, her beau maintains the group's webpage. vocaluptuous.com.sg
Last nights events have drained my strength. I end here.
The drama kids will be gathering for a reunion barbeque tomorrow at Simone's! I shall be the guide for the day as i am the only one who remotely knows his way around the area. Most unfortunately, however, it seems that a not inconsiderable number of us will not be able to partake in the fun. Our most beloved and reliable stage manager's mother, if i am not mistaken, has forbidden her attendence. Kohila, the lovely lass who has given us her assistance at the crucial times will not be making an appearance either. Josephine, the lights and angel girl will not be coming either. Renga has not given his firm word on whether he can go too. Yikes, these people...No matter, the core few would not miss this for the world, and just being together is fun in itself. I look forward to a night of revelry and some intemperance!! But behind all this anticipation of a lovely time, there will always be that odd skeleton in the closet. My cousin's 21st birthday celebration falls on the same day. My merry making will be bothered by a nudging sense of guilt at my missing out on this milestone in his life. I shall endeavour to make at least an hour long appearance at that party. Regardless of the time i turn up. Zounds!....i hope this little exclamation is applied appropriately and not in an offensive manner. I have just discovered that Shane's brother has down syndrome! It's not a shocking thing as in OH MY FREAKIN LORD. But its still a surprise enough for me to halt for a bit and retrace my steps a little. It seems the lad is a bold one. Details however, i shall not confide.
Jon has of late, been communicating with an old acquaintance of mine, she is Felicia, a classmate from my first 3 months at CJC. I recall her to be a person of lovely countenance and sweet demeanor. It would be most interesting should they get hooked up. And in that event, i shall find myself again in the background observing yet another relationship form. Tis the age and time for such, for we of 18 years of age are of an age where such courtship games should be a feature in our social lives. I must reassure my confidence at this point, for my tme will surely come, it must come.
This afternoon, i hung around with Christine, Shahid and Shane outside the rooms of the childcare center. That childcare center, is one of the few places in the poly which give me a sense of comfort. It is home, like our very own void deck, as Shane has so aptly put it. Christine broke some wind, but was too shy to admit it, and we knew better than to press her or tease her. It can become quite embarrassing can't it?
Theater Compass, the name of the only drama group in school. I like their members, some of them at least. But I have formed a very poor opinion of their methods after this evening's foray in the audition room. There was this guy who wore a purple shirt, he put me off. His approach to the projection exercise was very regimented...And left little room for creative juices and fun to flow. Where then, may I ask, does the enjoyment come in to play a part. He kept emphasizing the serious theater work attitude, each time we guys tried to draw some laughs or have some fun during their activities. If one cannot have fun during a very basic activity, imagine how a proper production would turn up. We basically love having fun and monkeying around, if you cannot allow us to express ourselves and go shameless during activities which require freedom of expression..and if you have the intention of putting a lid on our very harmless nonsense, i am afraid then, that i want no part of your endeavours. Drama is a way for me to unleash my innerself, for me to collapse all barriers which protect dignity and reputation. Forcing me to leash my wild behaviour will not bring out the best in me. I thus conclude that i no longer wish to have any more involvement with the Theater Compass, because of a clash in personalities, attitude and desired outcomes. I think Shane feels extremely bad about how we left prematurely, i also feel that it was a touch arrogant the way we took leave. And i feel most sorry for Said and the other members who were genuine and sincere to us. But in order to avoid further conflict, it would be best that we cut our association short.
Tomorrow, we meet again for GM Foods, you can try to control us, but there has never been a more wonderfully lively and funky clique like us. We will liven up the class, you must give us that chance to strike a balance. I pray that the lecturer will be understanding and inclined to making education a fun and interactive experience.
On a lighter note, i was slapped by Liza. Ouch, i have a feeling she really meant the slap, and i also have a feeling that people want to slap me very often. That's just me i'm afraid.
I hate banquet...By banquet, i refer to the chain of foodcourts in which everything is halal. And here are the reasons.
1. It has the label halal. Nothing against halal food, but that label seems to give vendors all the reason to use sub standard ingredients..
2. The food is bland...need i go further?
3. It is pricey, yeah..so maybe the rent is higher, but that is no excuse to charge 4 dollars for a plate of bland mee hailam! The prices are just so ridiculous, i believe it has something to do with being a chain and having the halal label. That gives them the prerogative to charge more...and also the market to do so. Not much competition in the way of foodcourt chinese cuisine for our muslim companions. But it is still not acceptable!! I could get much better food at Sakura for 50 cents more... and just to get it down on paper...i also think that Sakura's fare is not much to go by.
4. They charge 1.50 for a cup of milo which is found wanting for milo powder. 1.50 for a cup of chocolate malt milk. Get realistic for crying out loud!
5. They have porkless char kway teow...
I rest my case...
Anyhow, our short show run has finally come to a conclusion. The FINAL conclusion. Now there is an empty spot left behind. The journey has been a short, but a memorable one. After a moments consideration, i have realised that this is somewhat similar to the end of the last SYF outdoor. The huge difference being, i've made some true friends through this, the bonds felt during the SYF were not meant to be carried on into the warmth and comfort provided by true friends. It was merely camaraderie felt by people who were passionate about a common cause. The drama kids are simply amazing. Going to school without having to attend rehearsals will feel awkward to understate a little. I wish i did not have to leave them so early on friday in order to make it on time to catch my ferry to Batam. I remember the parting jibes, bring back a wife! Brings a smile to me it does.
Well i did meet this jelly fish..things did not work out i'm sorry to report. It however pleases me to claim that i have learnt the basics of MAHJONG!! It's an incredibly fun game, and i fear that i shall forget the rules before i come upon the opportunity to try my hand at a few rounds again.
Well i wish i could go on...but my head is pounding and i am in dire need of some shut eye.
THESPIAN DABBLINGS. As the final performance approaches, my excitement mounts. Unfortunately though, so does my regret. Regret that it will be the last one, and some relieve that i will be returning to normal life. Then again, who decides the definition of normal life? Missing the lessons this past week has more than paid its dividends through the form of friendship which i derive from the other drama kids. It has been one amazing leg in the journey, and speculation says more awaits in many different forms. Each mile is growth of mind and spirit. I pray that we all reach our climax tomorrow, and that wednesday was not our best. As the age old cliche goes..."break a leg" I've broken a toenail...so it kinda counts. At first i was afraid that i was the only one who so thoroughly enjoyed the company which we offered to one another. It is reassuring to find out that the feelings are mutual. Indeed, the drama kids are the most FANTASTIQUE group of people i have ever had the pleasure of being with. An unimaginable mix of talent, and personalities, with so little, yet so much in common. Most disappointingly, when we go out after the play tomorrow, which we most definitely will, i shall have to leave prematurely to make my way down to Batam. A depressing prospect when i consider how much i enjoy their company. It is a true blessing, our unintended encounter a good half a year ago.
Random intermitting thought -
The sense of being pleased and amused is so effective in blunting our faculties of perception and discrimination of character.
I read this in Rob Roy...couldn't have been phrased any better.
Sometimes, we try too hard to get involved..or too hard to impress and get attention. Sometimes, we should just sit back and allow the raft to float down the stream, giving nature the helm. So, the first performance begins tomorrow. I am...looking forward to it, lots of anticipation some trepidation. I am a lousy blogger....i hate that term by the way, the only merit of my using this online diary...is its ability to help me organise thoughts. Attempting funny antics will seem forced and will seem extremely affected and unnatural. I'll let Shahid do the monkeying around i guess, no point in trying too hard. Listening to Sukiyaki...japanese version. This song is quite amazing, its like that song Anak. Such a lovely tune which can break across cultural and language barriers. An early day tomorrow will be...well...i've ran out of things to say... my thoughts have simply gone to sleep.
Grumpy, cranky and snappish. Hit the right...rather the wrong nerve and you get my sour face with a snide remark. Patience of mine is as always, paper thin. I put it down to being the aftermath of that damned joke of a festival. I have noticed how the band is often the culprit and source of my more dour moods. Sometimes, it is the birth of my more brighter ones too. There is balance to the order of all things. Music is the magic conjured from the energies of the earth and moulded by the touch of creatures like us humans. Some creatures being better than others in manipulating the energy. It feeds the soul and there is bound to be a genre which is matched to a person's personality by similar characteristics or by mood. I think i'm spitting crap...but..hah.. Anyhow, i joined the band and my understanding of music grew, i have much to thank it for. So i now repay that favour by helping in what insignificant ways my unworthy abilities can provide. I believe that if you want something done, you have to do it yourself, or pay someone to do it. I need to do something about my social life, and i shall, when i start feeling the extreme need for a response. I did an extremely bad pole dance today...ok...just a random thought...saying random thoughts which come to my mind is becoming a trademark...
The Balloon Hat Festival at Sentosa today was as i expected...stupid and boring. Highly overrated, i can see whyy TK chose not to participate..the whole thing is quite a farce. It is good for those bands which lack the SYF outdoor experience though. Felix and i felt very detached from the band throughout the whole day. It was a sore experience, just watching them having fun and shedding the comfort boundaries and their masks of composure; simply put, letting loose in a good healthy manner. Well, observing their joy was the sore bit, it would seem that we have grown to be somewhat cynical. It is a sad feeling which comes over me, one tinged with reminiscence, when i consider the past, a time when i easily pulled down the walls keeping my wild inner spirit trapped. At the age of 18, my persepective has been evolving, i am indeed feeling the result of my years, few as they may seem. I can see why, back in more ancient times, 18 was the age to start a family, and begin your own life following your father's proffesion, or in some cases, having finished an apprenticeship with a master, start up your own business. Many of us seniors, find it difficult to connect the band after such a long hiatus. After band, we went to eat kway chap at this place....street 11 tampines i believe. Edwin's friends with the owner of the store...kway chap was good. Indulging in such treats once in a while is ok, it becomes a sin when gluttony comes into the picture. My sister decided to put the moves on zach...What is her problem? It is beginning to seem like she has an attraction for people in power. I dislike her, in spite of our blood ties....she is patronizing...and she has a thing for these drum major types. Most of us old birds immediately noticed her behaviour, which can now be termed a habit. It shames me, how can someone related to me, be so unlike me. I choose people whom i flirt with for their incredibly unique qualities, this is when i do flirt of course....she just chooses those who wield power...like the alpha male. I do not like her behaviour one bit.
The alumni webby...is, still out of order. I will not stand for further delay, June is getting impatient as well. I wish i knew what Marcus was doing about it, he is the sole person in contact with Evon, and the only one who knows how to get the site going. This irresponsibility on his part irks me. It is unreasonable for us to progress without theaid of the website.
This is the problem with a single person holding too much information and power. When he becomes unreliable, we find ourselves coming to the revelation that, it is an impediment to progress. A single person is easy to corrupt and divert..Gim Kai for example, his true objectives as a senior were clouded with such ease. Simply having the right person toy with his pride....I will have to have a chat with him in the near future. It is clear his heart is till with the band.
With power comes responsibility, because power is required to carry out responsibilities. When the power goes to the head of the wielder...and responsibilities start taking a back seat, or when the power is inappropriately used. It is sign that it is time for the user to be changed, or that he holds with too much of it. Or he is inexperienced, and much attention has to be devoted to his proper development as a leader. Jun Xiang is too young to hold his role...he doesn't understand responsibility and diplomacy, nor is he exceptionally intelligent. But his willingness and dedication when required is admirable, we may make a leader out of him yet.
Today was another long and tiring day which ended late as hell. My impression of Suan, the lecturer in the LC department...who has involvement in our drama show case, plummets at each encounter with her. Maybe she means well, but i sure as hell ain't feeling it. She has been putting her efforts into getting us publicity and printing a programme booklet. But all these things hold little value in our eyes. She does what she does for her department, and little consideration is given to our performance itself. She turns up to complete trifling administrative work, and barely gives our need of guidance a sniff of attention. The only direct involvement coming in the form of a comment on our dependence on the script, which i must add has no application on the Sly Fly Evil Guy play, and I must also stand up for my Univited Guest counterparts by vouching for the efforts they put into memorising the script today. The DA kids, as we are so honourably christened by Simone, will be missing a huge chunk of our lessons in the week which follows. It is a source of tension and worry, catching up with a week's worth of work will be...a challenge to say the least. To be frank, i am not looking forward to absenting myself from all the lectures, and the practicals, which, if we do not attend will be impossible to make up. How do you juggle the clashing committments to the best effect. It is desirous to perfect and polish up our act, but at the expense of so many lessons..the prudence of it all then comes into question.
This has to be among the worst friday nights i have had the displeasure of going through. Renga..AKA Roy.. was in a very rare temperamental mood. Constantly on edge and broody, he is extremely difficult to work with. Well, admitedly, Shane, Shahid and I were not helping the situation with our antics. But in our defense, we had had a long day of rehearsing and reciting the same lines countless times over, in our heads and with our mouths. T'was pure torture, one cannot be expected to stay properly focused after behaving almost robotically for 3 hours straight. WE DO have the heaviest parts in our play! The pressure is on us., please empathize with our mounting fatigue for heaven's sake. It undoubtedly has been a most distressing day of rehearsals. To quote Crystal Gayle lyrics, "it's been a too long time with no peace of mind, and i'm waiting for the times to get better."
Right, i think i am done with this strange style of speech, it gets tiresome after a while. It is such a pity that a fine friday night like this has to be insulted by being spent at home with none to chat with. The weather is near perfect and the only thing that matches it in level is my loneliness. My solution, drown myself in the sweet melodies of the oldies. On the train back, it was clear that we were all so drawn and tired, it is a good thing Simone is involved yet, this would be a huge toll on her already weak physical condition. As it is, we, the healthy young DA kids, are feeling the effects of two consecutive long days.
To be honest, i would like nothing better than to go to a kopitiam right now for a cup of Milo, and a good chat. This is one week i have not met up with the guys, and well, its almost ritual for us to play soccer, catch up and reminisce at a coffee shop afterwards. Next week will be much the same i'm afraid.
Natasha speculated about the future on the way back, she wondered if we would still be in contact after graduation, god forbid that we should lose contact. From experience, it is best not to speculate about such things, the future will be what the future will be, worry about it too much and it cramps and constricts the freedom of the present. So worry i shall not, but live and endeavour i shall to prolong the savoury sweetness of today's priceless passings.
The events of tomorrow however, i must plan. I intend to go to mass tomorrow, yes, i am beginning to attend church once again. The prodigal son is attempting a come back...I require no assistance or encouraging other than that which comes from myself. Intend to read through the relevant notes, seeing as how i will be missing lessons, and how i already have missed lessons, and i how i need to prepare for future lessons. I need tomorrow to give me that slight headstart. Oh, and i must take the opportunity to whine a little, can any less be expected from myself? So here goes...and what a dent this will put on my already battered social life.
On a seperate note, i am at this moment feeling hungry. The biggest difference which your body feels when you are in the schooling period and the holiday period is the increased hunger levels. My appetite has taken such a huge boost that i think i will be putting on weight easily if do not watch what i consume. Starting school has also induced a startling change in my etiquette...i have a sudden strange increased propensity for the usage of hokkien vulgarities all over again. I have been trying to remove it from the system. Part of my "Grow mature lad!"campaign. Hunger must be satiated, and i intend to do so right away.
