I am feeling so mentally exhausted after the first day of school. We did nothing truth be told, lots of long boring and quite unnecessary introductions to each of today's modules have left me-for some strange reason- quite depleted. I guess it's the mental energy required just to sit through long hours of lectures. I realised that i eat more in school then during the holidays. School can really work up a person's appetite. I guess the class i have right now isn't too bad, they are not the liveliest lot. I however take consolation in the fact that the scum have been filtered out and put into module A or into Biomed...
This sem's class tutor is a seemingly nice enough lady. We will get to know her better tomorrow i hope. Dickson has been elected to be the class representative, which was chiefly my doing. I'm good at spotting leadership abilities, Dickson is extremely responsible and he is a very friendly guy, so he makes a good choice, to put things very simply. There are these 2 DAE students in my class, the girl is relatively attractive, her name is Janice, and i hope to get to know her.
Poor steff has a problem with her specialist diploma, it is so complicated, i wish i knew more about her predicament in order to serve her with better advice.
I am once again finding it difficult to settle in or clique with my classmates. They mostly have their own cliques already, am i always the interloper!!?? It is the first day though, so time will tell. I can't help but feel stressed by this though, it's been a constant fight for me when it comes to getting settled in the poly environment. Maybe i will go get a cca for myself, but as it is, i am tired as hell after school. A cca won't be much of a help then right... I should care less about fitting in. I have to resolve to focus on my studies, less on my social life. Proper time should be spent on tutorials and past year exam questions in a structured and organised method, so that i do not find myself stuggling to catch up when the lecturer is a chapter ahead of me when it is a month before the semestral examinations. Life is tough, when you feel stressed and need friends nearby. It helps to have a clique in school, but i intend to try and live without one. I have a solid group of friends whom i can usually count on for enjoyment and release. May they come through for me. So no whinning about not doing the usual enjoyable teenager activities, i am more mature than most my peers, i have to approach this problem in a pragmatic manner.
I must say that i really thoroughly and absolutely enjoyed myself at sentosa this morning...afternoon.. It was a complete day out for me, waking up at 9.45, getting ready and warming up that pizza. I then rushed my ass down to harbour front feeling guilty that they had to wait for me. An interesting thing i realised is that, when my DA friends are late, i am not as irked by it as i am with my other friends. For some reason, waiting for people along with them can turn into an entertaining affair, because we are all so chatty. We played volley ball, it was immense fun! We challenged another group of people who had set themselves up a few yards away or so. Both teams sucked! hahaha, but there were some pretty good parts in the quick match. All day long, we munched on chips and gulped down soda. I even bought myself a can of stella. We played bluff too! It was..i lost to stef!!!!!! She's the better "bluffer" than me or something? I rushed off at 6.15 to join the lads for soccer, it was fun a day, soccer was playful and serious, well balanced. Especially fun was sitting at the kopitiam with them, i can almost picture us sitting at a kopitiam many years from now.
It looks as if i will definitely be going to springfield for band tomorrow, making a shall i say, long overdue appearence? I honestly don't know how i will fit in tomorrow, musically i am not as good as most people, i guess i will have to try and make myself useful during marching and formation. That is where my talent lies, i am not musician. I could never label myself one! So i sincerely hope that it all fits together in the way that i wish. Well, i've always felt that eventually things will work out on their own, but will it be in the way that i desire? He also asked Kai Yee and i to go with them to chong pang tomorrow..or rather today. I will ask Felix about that, because we did initially plan to visit Sameer's work place. I need a new bag and he can get a 40percent discount, certainly not to be missed out on.
While writing yesterday's entry, i was interrupted by Kenrick. Surprise surprise, i tihnk it has been a few months since i last heard from him. So it was very unexpected, we spoke about band stuff, looks like i am going to get involved again, but on weekends only. Gim Kai hasn't been able to do a good job with ping yi, in fact, from what i have heard. They have stagnated and even dipped a little in standard. Quite a disappointment, Kenrick neglected them i believe, but now he's back in action with the combined band, and has roped me back once more. The future will prove to be highly amusing and entertaining the way i foresee it.
I missed an alumni meeting today because i was out with the DA peeps, thats the first time i've chosen social life over something as important as an alumni meeting. It was...very irresponsible on my part. But in my defence, i have to say that i entirely slipped my mind until i reached Eunos at 9.45... i am after all still a teenager, i should be given some leeway when it comes to being fickle. I am in dire need of proper healthy recreation...which has to vary as well, can't keep doing the same things all over again. Anyhow, we went to LJS AGAIN!!!*grits teeth* There was this slight divide, i sat with shane, steff and jas. We didn't mix with nat, angie and pert much. I kinda think that tomorrow's outing to sentosa will be a flop, shane may not turn up, steff's and jas's attendence also not guaranteed. Without those people, things just will not be as fun anymore. I think we had fun today though, it was very funny as usual. Steff being her usual abusive self tried kicking me in the groin and i caught her foot with my thighs, and...hahaha they got it on tape!! Shane was busy playing with food and making disgusting concoctions, and jas was being a little bimbotic for a change. These people are quite incredible!
Sentosa..sentosa...need to find a ball...
I went to Bintan on the 20th and came back on the 23rd. The trip was a much welcomed breather from my everyday life in this urban jungle. A get away from it all kinda thing. No special activities there, just spending quality time with family. Each night in Bintan was enjoyable to say the least, drinking good Australian red wine accompanied by a good lot of cheese. Yes, living the high life so to speak. Each day would start very early with me following my aunt to the shore to dig up mollusks..-clams- from the sand. She has a thing for eating those buggers, i can't relate to that, the thought of consuming those critters just turns my stomach upside down. Anyhow, it was a good recreational activity with a slightly therapeutic effect, with the sound of the waves washing up against the beach. I played scrabble with my cousing and my aunt, board games..i realise it has been quite a long time since i indulged in those. I thoroughly miss it. Dang it, i miss everything that i did as a child with my cousins and siblings at the loyang bungalow and such. Memories from those good times are priceless and always taken for granted. This Bintan holiday was MUCH needed, like a steroid boost for the spirit and the heart. But not for the health, eating junk food for 3 days straight is something i wouldn't recommend if you intend to lead a healthy lifestyle. Thanks to Uncle Denis, my wine tasting skills have taken a gargantuan leap~! I may be embellishing a little, but it has definitely improved. Strangely though, i do realise how important ties within a family are of extreme importance, we are gregarious animals. These bonds strengthen the troupe~! I couldn't fulfill my social needs with my friends, no one really has time for you when you need them. So i turn to blood.
ARGHHHHHARGHHHHHHARGHHHHHHH
*endless wail of despair*Why, oh why did it have to come to this!? Say it isn't so~! What kind of timetable is that? This is absolutely insane. What did i do to deserve this? I just checked the SAS, my timetable is out. And it sucks, it is rubbish, it is hectic and it is the end of my social life. On mondays i will end at 730...rather 8 knowing jean-marc...due to french lessons. Tuesday, wednesday and thursday i end at 5. Friday i end at 4.30! If i am reaching home at 6 each day, where the hell does play come into the picture, i've decided that i have to be doing work consistently, which means completing tutorials as soon as i am done with the chapter, doing pass year questions throughout the year. This is just bloody insane!
I think i'm gonna just sit down in a corner and cry.. maybe not, but this new revelation changes my life entirely, i am going to become a mugger..!
I look forward to comparing timetables with Ummar, Sameer and all...I hope ummar isnt in my class honestly, and his friends. I don't really like them very much...THEY ARE SHALLOW.
Mats are detestable, i am at a lost for words when it comes down to describing how i feel about their race..the MAT race. They are not malays, they do not deserve to be malays. They put the malay race to shame with their disgusting behaviour. I had a run in with a few of them while playing soccer. How typical eh? well, when you have passion, you tend to turn a blind eye to these people. They have a complex...they are always at the extremes, from fashion to behaviour. They thirst for respect, but they do everything to make us lose our respect for them. I wouldn't call them gangsters. They haven't the intelligence to work in a team. These people are lower than animals, they are a bane to society...i should not judge them..i know, but i am only human. I pity them, for all the insecurities and lack of self esteem. Their numbers are increasing, i can only pray for their guidance.. I think i have wasted enough web space in dignifying their existance by my online commentary on my run in.
I'm feeling lonesome at right now. As in this very minute, i don't think i am desperate, but i could really use someone to talk to at 0030.. Well, people come online to talk don't they, but for some reason. i've got no one to chat with..which is why i am writing an entry. It is like talking to myself, my thughts aren't really organised right now, so i'll just ramble on for a bit, to relieve myself from the loneliness. Man, i use that word to often, i've got to start using synonyms..yeah, i am feeling slightly neglected and solitary. And i am listening to some stuff by Dido...which is not really related to my feeling alone, but as i said, i need something to talk about, especially since i am talking to myself...in a way... So...
oo, sameer just opened a conversation, life saver. Regardless of that, i wil continue with the entry.
A passing thought, i just hate the word blogging, it is disgusting, i am not sure if i have used it before, but i do not intend to use it in the future.
Sameer's got a job at swensens, i don't need a job. I am financially stable for the next few weeks i think.
I was watcing desperate housewives, they can act really well, and the script is really wonderful. Then i watched Las Vegas, ok, their script wasn't really good. I can't believe those English actors would lower their pride and act in that rubbish side plot about Chelsea vs United. Now seriously...they showed a clip where Chelsea apparently scored the winning goal, i didn't see Chelsea in that clip. Bloody hell, it looked like Deportivo's kit. I am calling for some AUTHENTICITY here, you stupid self-absorbed americans.
It is tuesday right now, yeah, so i will be making the trip down to school later for rehearsals. I am not looking forward to it, but at least it gets me out of the house. The two times i stepped out of the house today was to feed the cat!
You know, nothing is ever easy. I just scanned like 65mb worth of documents for my father. And it took me a good 4 to 5 hours non-stop infront of the computer. Screwed the sight in my right eye it did.... I think i shall go cycle tomorrow morning, i am in need of a tan, and slight physical activity....of course everything is mood dependent..
I bought my first Glenn Miller CD! *lets out a mental whoop! At first i was a little disappointed by the sound quality, it contained the original recordings. From the 1940's...but i realised, it added the authenticity! Would i be more satisfied by some swing music played by baby boomers or gen Ys who don't enjoy it as much as the chaps from back then. It wasn't digitally remastered as i had hoped for, but my opinion was eventually swayed by reviews of the CD on amazon. It brought back memories for some, listening to this kind of music on the radio in the 40s. The way it sounded back then. Yeah, i agree, it does bring back down memory lane...not my memory, but i like the feeling it gives. Yeah, so i'm not so hard up over the sound quality anymore. In fact, i think its a bonus, it helps brings you back in time. This is how they heard it then, and it was a hit then. Maybe it is meant to be heard this way.
Next step, wait till school begins, and my income returns, and go get count basie or duke ellington.
Stupid lousy day. It had to rain in the morning...Just totally screwed up soccer plans. At least I had a 60percent subsidy on my Gelare waffle at night! So I was talking to Jon about stuff. That's the only adjective which encompasses everything we spoke of, which means it was quite a fair bit of STUFF. And one thing came up, love. Typical topic, considering we're both lost in love, or totally lacking that significant other. It is in his opinion that, when it comes to choosing between his kids-this is in future of course- and his wife. His wife would definitely come first. I agree with what he is looking for in a mate, someone you can love for all that she is, love her flaws and her quirks along with her beauty. And she reciprocates all that. But i find that he is lacking a huge understanding of how love works, or how love makes everything work. Maybe he will understand that in future, or it could be an opinion that i possess. In any case, it is fundamentally an opinion that i hold. I feel that, the kids will always come first, no matter what happens. If you could choose to save one person, would you choose your mate or the offspring of the union. Naturally the offspring comes first, it is more than just a primal instinct. It runs deeper than that, it involves the incredible bond between parent and child. A parent would sacrifice anything for his/her child. Anyway, back to my opinion on how love works and why the child will come first. Love is all about giving, giving love is what makes love so good in the first place. When you have no money, and no material possessions, what you have left is yourself. And sharing the essence of your being is done in the giving and sharing of love. People do not often realise that there is no limit to the amount of love that one can give. You only have to know how to find it inside you, sometimes it just comes naturally like when a mother has multiple children. You will find that no matter how much she dotes on a certain one of them. The love she has for all will always be equally distributed. She may find it easier to express that love to one of them than another but, the love is still there. And the best of mothers dote on all children equally. Coincidentally it is mother's day i think.
But i am beginning to stray, so back to the point here. You will find that if there is one thing which we are all rich in, it is the ability to love. No matter how much you love your wife, you will not love your child anyless my friend. This is because the love in each and everyone of us is infinite and know's no boundaries, it just keeps expanding as the universe expands. And a symbol of love between a man and wife is manifested in the creation of a child. A product of that divine union. Maybe you will understand my view of it someday, you might even share it. We have so much to learn.
Hahaha, on a lighter note, another view we don't share is our take on chastity. You are liberal, i am more old fashioned in my ways. To put things into perspective, if a hot and nubile young lass through herself at you, would you welcome her with open arms and go all the way. Even though you know that it is not a real feeling, rather it is you succumbing to the chemicals in your body?
Now seriously, any girl who does that while in a sober state, is a slut or is seriously confused about her emotions. You would take that chance to have some fun. But i wouldn't a matter of principle really. I respect a girl's chastity and will not take advantage of her regardless of her state of mind. You might argue that she's is the one who wants it, so naturally as a hot blooded male, i'd be happy to oblige.
However, i am a firm believer in the sanctity of a bodily union.
Getting an easy fuck is not something i would succumb to no matter how tempting it becomes. I would not for the world, cheapen sex and all it stands for.
While it is a means of extending your bloodline and survival of your species, but it is also nonetheless, the most incredible physical and spiritual form of expressing love. Which is why it is meant for your one true love only.
So people, if you think that you want to marry a person and share with her everything you have to give. Keep your pecker to yourself, because it is meant to be used in the most physical expressions of love. Maybe if you read this, you would understand why i would not have sex out of marriage or before marriage in any situation at all...at least i will try my very best. Sex is enjoyable because it is meant to be shared between you and the love of your life only, and not with anyone else. Only then can you say that you love her more than anything and anyone. So do not ABUSE the pleasure which is derived from sex, because philosophically, it is love.
Now don't nobody come up and say, if it is love, we should be humping our kids and our relatives. That is just the most dense and stupid argument a person could come up with.
I have already mentioned that we have an infinte amount of love to give, this also means that are many different kinds of love to give....you will love your wife in a way different from the love you give your kids.
This has been Benedict going in depth! hah!
Well now, we are halfway through the holidays and i am looking for serious recreation here. It has bee 3 weeks! I've not caught a movie, I've not been to Sentosa, I've not kayaked, I've not left the country, I've not been for band-for which i think i will never again go- and lastly, i've not had proper recreation. Which normal teen goes through the holidays like this....now don't you assholes come telling me how much worse it's been for you and stuff. I couldn't care less about your plight.. Anyone in my position would have taken on a job in order to occupy themselves. But not me, i just do things like sit around all day. And that's the way it is, so there.
Those chimps brought up the past...i'm so ashamed of what i did. You guys giggled, it was a growing phase. Ye bastards! Felix read my blog! Yikes, people read my blog! It's not safe!! well, what did i expect, its a public thing, i just don't publicize it, that would be disastrous.
The sky is red now, erm, what am i supposed to infer from that observation? I'm in my room, my brother is sleeping like a log behind me. The HiFi is on and i'm tuned to Gold 90.5FM..again. It's saturday, what am i going to do later in the day? Whatever happens. i hope i get to watch soccer, that's important shit. Jon has a plan, he plans to advertise himself to a girl he's attracted to, albeit subtly.. I think i can safely admit to having done stuff like that before. Heh, it is a very subconcious thing, you know you have to do it if you want to create a good impression of yourself for the opposite sex.
I'm gonna get some shut eye..
Life's a bitch. Life is just such a bitch, you know, shit always finds some damned annoying way to insinuate itself into the few good things that happen to you. At this moment, I am sure that PSV Eindhoven share my sentiments. They really didn't deserve to get kicked out of the Champions League by that one goal from Ambrossini. They dominated the match, and reduce AC Milan to a bystander role. With the amount of chances they were creating, it was a goal fest, some lovely performances coming for the asian contingent, Park Ji-Sung scores, Lee Young-Pyo creates...Their contributions are really vital, it is a milestone in asian football. Damned away goals rule, they even managed a 3rd goal in a very spirited comeback attempt. Kudos to the very cosmopolitan dutch team, you deserve much more!
Still on the topic of shit here, you meet soneone you find incredible. She's smart, sweet, and her interests are surprisingly similar...to a certain extent of course, and you find that she really is quite suitable. What's stopping you here? She's not available..not that it's a concern really, because there are other reasons like...im not into BGR, so this nice catch is going to stay on another's hook, and i will just walk away, as usual....without giving it the dignity of a second look. I'm digging my own grave here.
And still going on about shit here, yeah...I'm in a fine shitty mood this morning, this is the aftermath of feeling great at night. hah. My results are out and there are no As...not even from drama..that hurts somewhat. See, i try really hard, but i'm not gonna get an A anytime soon man. The only consolation is that i only had one C, and the rest were Bs. So i am feeling all down and low in the morale department right now. *heavy sigh* shit really does happen at the wrong time. I mean my holidays were rather lousy to start with, this news..just gonna make things that much worse. And i just found out that even Miko managed to get an A. No offence to him of course, but even he knows his results usually lie in the lower regions. An A is a good result for him. BUT ME? i want an A too. *sheds a tear* because i'm yawning.
eh...shit la...*closes eyes*
I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt i was getting married! *frown* It felt so special and so perfect for some reason, like things just fitted in, that's why they're called dreams i guess..sub-concious thoughts, a world where everything and anything happens. Now i've never had a dream remotely like this before, i can only think of a few adjectives to describe it...and they are all synonyms of strange and peculiar. So i'm marrying this lovely girl who bears an uncanny resemblance for Mischa Barton. Why the hell was i thinking about that!? We had an elaborate wedding banquet, where and how..is kinda vague and fuzzy. Nonetheless, one thing i remember clearly is being surrounded by people-their faces and identities are anonymous....i don't remember knowing anyone specifically, but i remember feeling as if they were friends- so i take it that i know to many people to be thinking of all of them during the lifespan of one night's dream. My bride was beaming with pride and joy, i reflecting those emotions. And then a few things happened, and before i know it, i am back at a house...our house. It smelt like a new house, it was dark, being set at night and all. We were eager to get down to our first night together, and she rushed to the room. I remember thinking that the house seemed like a mixture of Greja and my house. With attributes characteristic of both dwellings shown in the layout and furnishing. I remember needing to take a piss..and that is when i woke up! Anti-climax ending. Dreams are sub-concious thoughts, many of the thoughts i had during the dream were real....sadly...the one needing to take a piss was real...i woke up, felt a strange tinge of regret and attempted to return to that euphoric state in dreamland...Deep inside, i knew it wasn't going to happen, so i climbed out of bed and went to take that piss... Another real thought is the dream created home of mine. In reality, i do see greja and waringin park as places which symbolize home. So naturally a mixture of the two places would provide me with the feeling of complete safety and comfort. It's like taking the best of both worlds and putting it together to the best effect. As to the other details like who and why my wife looked like that...i am absolutely clueless. But this dream sure had a huge impact on me, if not i wouldnt have remembered it in such detail.
I normally don't remember my dreams, the special ones of the worst ones always leave the biggest craters in my memory.
ouch, and double ouch. Long day i've had, once again i do something which is just plain crazy. I went from Kembangan all the way to bukit batok and chao chu kang, just to play soccer!! Talk about going to all lengths just to get a good game. But i think i enjoyed myself, got to know a few of Sameer's poly and gym buddies. And to add on to that, i managed to put up a few better than average performances, morale booster once again. But i managed to hurt my ankle in the process, damned chinese opponents...not even the mats have ever injured me. I then rush home and it's around 6.30. I left home at 10 freaking o'clock man! My first ever soccer marathon, first times are always memorable. I shall now take this opportunity to slip into a stretch of my usual whinning and self-pity. I should really stop feeling so sorry about myself...it is pathetic... Anyway, i realised that i have met, Sameer's friends and Ummar's friends. All made in poly, have they met mine? Nope. Why? Because what few friends i have, we just don't have similar interests. One thing Ummar mentioned online a while back...something like...see, my social life has advanced, sameer's social life has advanced, yours? Something along those lines. Stark observation old chap...End of whine.
Tomorrow begins..well today begins...the new drama chapter...i concur with Stef's sentiments...i'm not really sure i am looking forward to this new rehearsal schedule and all. Twice a week from 2pm onwards?? Who's gonna fund that man! i can't afford to frickin' go to school twice a week during the holidays! And...do i really wanna commit that much of my holidays to preparing for a lame play i never really liked from the start? Shit happens..at least i'll be seeing the gang, they're quality to hang out with. The outing with the sec school gang....i saw it coming, we did nothing all night except being lame and playing those silly games with hidden patterns and such to guess. At least it was more fun than the other time. Getting all silly and stuff with doll, ummar and sameer. Bugging poh chin at the samsung shop. I think she and xiu ting look much better than they did two years ago. Ah well, we're all growing up, one day ten years from now...i'll be looking back at pictures of us."then and now"A majority of us would be married by then i think. I can't wait for weddings.
I'm listening to 90.5 again! There is no denying the fact that there is a certain appeal to listening to these old songs at night just before i get ready to knock off. Many are really sweet and have pleasent melodies which make pleasent listening. Young people should listen to this more often. I think that sentence just made me sounded older than i'd like. It seems to be quite a problem, hahaha! Am i wise beyond my years...hah...or like mature in perspective. Or am i old fashioned. I think its a mix of both, but i am certainly not like most of my secondary school pals when it comes down to fashion, approach to bgr and taste in music.
