I have just finished reading Dan browns controversial novel, The Da Vinci Code. Strikes a nerve or two really, what with all the talk about Jesus and Mary Magdalene being a couple and having kids. It really stretches the limits of believability.
The bible is a product of humans, and undoubtedly was written with some political agenda.
Faith, religion refers to god in terms of metaphors. So becareful of how you interpret the teachings of god, parables are not meant to be taken literally.
Faith is accepting something to be true when one is unable to prove it.
So i went to the BBQ on thursday, and it was ok, nothing special by most BBQ standards, but no failure either. Well, so i realised that maybe i should not freaking go back to that again. It is not the same for me any longer. This happens when you become out of touch with the band, things change, and develop. Yeah, i became the senior who sat there and mixed with other seniors. I used to think that a senior should go back and participate in the fun, cook a little, mix with the new blood. Now i find that it is difficult, not after so many years, you've grown into your own comfort zone, everything new seems to be lousier than before, although objectively, you know that it isn't. It is merely different. It really is a crappy situation to be in. Who knows whether i will return once my first year ends. I seriously doubt it, my passion is like a candle flame in a gale...starting to lose sight of the unofficial sub-conscious goals i had initially set for myself with regards to band involvement. SHIT HAPPENS
Just found out after combing friendster that Bavani and Alicia must be like in the same class at Natasha or something, they're like the first two people in the connected list. And that Prinsten is in the same lecture class as Sameer, smaallll world it is. We shall wait and see, maybe other of the drama lads or lassies are connected to my mates from sec school.
And now i broach the issue which i hate to approach. I'm freaking putting on freaking weight.
LESS FOOD, LESS BEER, LESS COKE. MORE VEG!
Not the first time i saying this, but hell, i'm not getting any slimmer damn it.
After watching Extreme Makeover, i realised that reality shows of that sort are really teaching impressionable adolescents the wrong concepts and morals. Yeah i'm sounding old, but it was shocking. It was basically about material worth and superficial beauty. Looks at surface value. A guy looks poor, gets bullied, has mental and physical scars. A girl looks plane jane, can't accept herself. They want to look better, so heck, lets all go for plastic surgery, that solves every damn thing now doesnt it. It was shocking, what happened to liking yourself for who you are, accepting what was given to you. And making the best of life through allowing your inner beauty to rise to the surface and outshine whatever it is you lack in the physical department. Confidence, natural confidence, creates and aura unlike any other. Bearing, body language and posture. This is a bad show which teaches poor morals, it shouldnt be aired....
I rave and i rant, but what about my biophysics, the worst subject i've ever had to study, with the exception of chinese that is.
The End
Euthanasia, do we really have the right to decide who lives or dies? We certainly have the ability. In this case, it is not really who but what. I took the mother gerbil out and put her with her mature daughters who had not seen her for nearly a 3 months. They fought, i assumed a day or two would be all they needed in order to settle. Apparently not, the mother died of presumably stress after less than 24 hours. It is a possibility that she was pregnant at the time as well. It might be said that i had murdered her, and the unborn pups. Such is the emotional stress they are capable of feeling, she did not die from physical injury, but maybe severe mental trauma. I had witnessed her in a corner ones, breathing heavily. But i did nothing, while it does serve to address my population problem, did i have the right to make the decision to do nothing. Even though her death does bode well for her family in the long run, less competition and better resources.
Animal rights? A forever controversial debate
There are few things which can boost my morale...and maybe ego like praise and good results, and of course fitness. Typical guy ego thing. But on thing has stood out when it comes down to boosting my morale, and that is being told that a girl has said that i am cute! imagine that! It has happened before, but not in poly, and well it happened. I just don't wanna know who it was, as the age old saying goes, ignorance is bliss. I made the mistake of trying too hard to impress once, till the extent where i became slightly overbearing i think. Well whoever it is, I dont wanna know. But its a pretty cool thing, especially since the girls from the class don't look too bad and are pretty fun sorts. Enough of that, its not good to behave like a adolescent pup in heat. Humping around is annoying and disgusting. No sense in getting exited over this. Abstinence is good, it maintains clarity. Getting involved with these intimate feelings only complicates matters. Felt this way since i was in secondary 2, late secondary 2. Not too bad ain't it, considering i am of the age of raging hormones.
My sister is a bad person, felix asked her for the score so that 2 of our friends-hopefully that term is valid- would be able to gain a slight upper hand with an audition. Cheating yes, but what the heck, stuff like this, friends should help. But definitely not make it a habit of course. Anyway back to what she did, she rejected, she said if i cant save myself, why should i save others. These are supposed to be close friends whom she addresses as sister and stuff...... I am absolutely appalled by her reaction. She cant save herself because she did not prioritise. She entered the school through the band, but neglects the band as her term in school progresses, ungrateful behaviour. Utterly disgraceful, and DISHONORABLE! Stupid irritating selfish ingrate. This is a mere figment of what she truly is and always has been. A side no one sees.
As for me, what you see of me is truly me and nothing else. Because i understand this concept, we can only be ourselves, nothing more and nothing less. Sure you can be more than you are if you worked hard. But that is figuratively speaking, it merely means fulfilling your through potential. So the concept stands. I wear no mask, and i am open for all to interpret. A genuine person. my sister is not, she thinks she is more than she is, and she does not know her limits. Tis her own downfall.
I have a nasty temper, and i look like i brood often. I'll have to admit that it does make for a huge turn off. But my better qualities should compensate for that shouldn't it?
ahhh...the question is back again, what am i doing single, at the age of 18.
Who is more mature, who is taking the wiser route?
The one who chooses to abstain for the reasons that he is not ready, not ready to take the plunge and is wisely choosing to prioritise. Or the one who fears nothing, who believes he has nothing to lose and takes the risk when he feels that it might have a chance. He seems to know his own limits and capabilites and is better able to handle himself.
Who shows more mental or emotional maturity?
Am i shying away from the ocean because i'm afraid? Do i use the excuse that i am above bgr to hide the fact that i am not mature enough or ready enough to even test the water at the deep end? AM I IN DENIAL?
This seems a little early to tackle, but after calculation, i will be 22 when i finally decide to put on a buoyancy vest and leap of the jetty. I resolved to only involve myself in bgr when i was out of NS. But now i am questioning that resolution. Jonathan took the risk more than once, it's gotten him in trouble before, but he got past that phase, and things seem to look up right now. He seems more stable than he has been in past years. After failure he chose to grit his teeth and try another time, and he found a girl that has so far seemed highly suitable for him.
Taing the risk might not be so bad after all? Then why am i still single after all this time, i don't understand, is it because i have found no one suitable. All this time i have made no effort to get myself into a relationship, going to poly has only compounded the problem, the social life is really horrid. But nobody suitable has ever crossed my path, at least that is the mentality i have been stuck with for ages.
To be or not to be? hahaaa, cliche but i think it sums up my situation. There have been times where i have felt a certain spark of a sensation that something might work. But each time i stamp that spark out with no inconsiderable effort. Should i change my mentality? Questions questions questions, it seems to be all that i have. I remember Lavonne once mentioning that she thought that i'd only date someone like a colleague or something when i grow up and start working. Considering the situation than and now, nothing has changed. I guess she might be on to something there.
So after blabbering from one branch and turning back to explore the path of another, what can i conclude? Well, it all points to my approach and mentality towards BGR.
What is my current approach? i simply don't give a shit, while i make no extreme effort to get involved, i do not do the opposite either. When there is chemistry, i explore it only to drop out before i get to learn that amount of information that is crucial enough to set me on the path to a relationship. How has it helped? I don't know....i have avoided certain pains, resulting from any normal relationship. But at the same time, i have gained other kinds, like vibes of envy when i see my attached peers and strongs bouts of longing and broodiness as i contemplate my situation. Is this neccessarily a bad thing,l by playing it safe for another 5 years, will i actually be at the losing end because of my age? Isn't it the norm for people to start right about now. In actual fact, its supposed to start at an even earlier stage. Like say...secondary school....
It is not so much a fear of committment, or a fear of freedom loss. These have never been issues in any sector of my life. I need to be sure that by drawing my head back into my shell each time, i am not losing out on TOO much. i have lost out on many opportunities, i guess its time for me to look at BGRs with a more open mind. But i still do not change my stand of abstinence. I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!~ seriously man
