The burden has been lifted, at long last. I never imagined that the examinations would have given me so much pain and worry. Every so often i would fret about whether the facts were going to stay in my head. It is something new, a different sensation. It was never like this before, there was a time where failure was a foreign concept. Something I had the good fortune of not having to experience too often. Reality brings a searing pain. I'd go as far as to admit that i was guilty of having a ditasteful swagger to my actions. While i do not think that this led to my current state. It sure as hell has a role to play. The seven months before i entered the polytechnic. Now that's what went wrong. Consistency is the key to success, 7 months of consistent degradation is definitely successful is disintegrating my studying habits, if there were any to begin with of course! While i doubt i shall have to retake any of my modules, the results will not be to my liking. And i resolve change this next semester.
One can only imagine the amount of relief i felt after the last paper. I was given the impression that the O levels was the ultimate battle. People used to go,"this is your last lap" and such. That is a misconception. The end of your O levels is not the end of a long battle but the initiation of a long struggle to survive in a dog eat dog world.
As the of the year 2004 draws nearer, i am gradually becoming more prone to losing myself in thought. It could be that tis the season to be jolly and my thoughts are filled with mirth. But that is too good to be true. The put things very simply, of late, i have been lasping into short bouts of brooding moods.
Going to Jing Yan's chalet was and extremely pleasent thing, it allowed me to become the boy i was in secondary school. It was the first time in almost 5 months that i had felt comfortable in my surroundings. Catching up with a familiar face is always something i relish. If the good spirits are kind. This will hopefully not be the last time i experience fun just from being in the presence of familiar people. There's a certain warmth to it.
Something is missing in my life, and the emptiness hurts like the fires of hell at times.
