Darn, so its been nearly a week since i last typed an entry. I did not realise it till i took a good look at my previous entry date. Guess its because the week has passed so fast. In a blink of an eye....i am into my third week of study at SP. I get along well enough with my classmates...even though i find it difficult to accept some of their more unsual quirks at times. They're a nice enough bunch, so i guess its not too bad.
Was sick since Wednesday night. Im nearly all better now...but if u ask me to run...i'd drop to the floor in a daze after one round of the parade square. Oh, forgot to mention that ive been down with a slight flu! So the i stuffed myself with greens and took a few slices of apples. Then i rested....Let thy food be thy medicine and thy medicine be thy food.!! and of course good old fashioned sleep does the trick. So after 2 days, im on the road to recovery~.
The past nights throughout the week have been odd....stupid dog la...quite a few times find her on my bed at night, scratching herself vigorously...at the same time...vibrating me like a molecule in a solid...stupid mutt..-_-
I want a trumpet!!!!! i feel like kapoing one of the condemned ones~~~aiyah....but obviously cannot right. one year ago it wouldve been possible...so now im crying over spilt milk.
Thursday's practical was great....but it was marred by my sick condition. we were looking at the microbes present in pond water...its such a waste to be sick during a practical that i would have enjoyed so much. Protozoa, flagellated/ fillamented algae....shit....im so disappointed that i could not make the best of it.
Janice pointed out an interesting thing. She noticed that i was in a sour mood since the last week of the syf!! sheesh....i thought i was having a bad week. But its really been that long...Damn...guess she noticed because ive known her for quite some time. I think last week was the climax.....that must be why ive felt like a walking piece of dung.
The clarinet section...wow...what a mess it became today!! it should be highly entertaining to watch them solve it. because its rather complicated isnt it.....i guess........the worse thing u could do to them is to make the practice with their other sec 1s...you know make them practice with their peers. I cant say that either party is to blame. I blame circumstances....they took a quantum leap by joining the main band....this was always going to be one of the many possible reprecussions.
The week has not been a good one. Things seem to go wrong ever so often. I keep asking myself why i feel so unhappy. But each time i draw a blank. Shadows seem to lurk around every corner. How long must i walk down this lonely alley covered in darkness. Even when the sun shines all around me, an invisible layer blocks its comforting warmth from reaching into the depths of my being. It's really really been nasty. I guess its just a short phase im going through, one filled with self-doubt. I question my motives, my goals, and pretty much everything about myself. Whatever happened to the brazen self-confidence which used to burst out like a brilliant bright light seeking to overwhelm all in its path. Listening to a song...it is titled "lament" i should think that its pretty apt. Especially if you take into consideration the way i currently feel right now.
I hope this is all because i'm adjusting to a change in lifestyle. Inevitable in that sense. Oh damn....show me the light at the end of the tunnel...someone..anyone. A period of self evaluation...that could be all that is just is..
The mice are terrors. They have this wonderful ability to sneak through nooks and crannies. Imagine being able to squeeze through a gap with a 1 centimetre width. Gives a real housing problem.
Went to Sakura for dinner on friday, it was a lovely way to end of what seemed to me like a lousy day. Behind every gray cloud is a silver lining. We bought, hotplate beancurd, lemon chicken, oyster sauce kai lan, hotplate beef. and rice....of course.... It was sumptious to say the least. I enjoyed the meal. Its the first ive had with Poh Chin and Xiu Ting in maybe 3 months. Joon Chiat and Ivor were there too. After stuffing ourselves with food. We headed upstair to play pool. Ermm, we were at Simei by the way. Started of well enough, i managed to win everyone once. Then the air con went off.....i lost my mood to play properly....we lost our mood to play properly actually. It seemed like once it became stuffy. Ummar, doll and I were more interested in taking photos. Good thing i guess. Dajie(doll) mentioned that he should have brought that hand held vid cam of his...so that we could start one of those mini productions again. Damn...reminiscence....hahaha. It was bloody fun making those...and we deleted so many nice ones because we were never ever satisfied......argh! So now we have reached a time where we are very unlikely to be able to create more vids. And that strikes a sad note in me.
Its a sunday.... i should spend the next morning maybe completing whatever work i have as best as i can. Will drag it as much as possible. Not in the mood for school. RWP intro to produce. Math tutorials to complete. French as well..although i really kinda look forward to doing that bit. Cell bio data sheet to go through. Chem tutorials to complete. Yeah..its quite a bit..but not intense stuff. Only problem should be the RWP(report writing and presentation) thats irritating bull shit...ok...i should sleep soon.
Just lost two hamsters. Syrian passed away. I am clueless as to why. Quite a bloody mystery to me. It was alive when i came home. But 2 hours later. I found it dead. Puzzling... And a i lost a roborovski. 2nd one this month. It got murdered by its co-inhabitants. Another two robos. Found the mutilated carcass just after i cleared the dead syrian. Life is so fragile. Just a day ago i was worrying about how i was going to afford to buy new bedding, and better water bottles. Now it seems that i have less mouths to feed.
Ummar says i should update the blog skin. But i have not had the time to do something like that. A project like that would take half a day to do. Probably even more. I'm sorry if it looks ugly. But, i dont have time for cosmetics.
I'm tired. I've often wondered why other people cant control their feelings for someone the way i can. Maybe ive always had total control because ive always had a clear vision of what is desirable and what is not. I am not cold hearted. i do have emotions, and i do get infatuated. But its never been something that i have ever thought about for more than a few minutes at any time. damn...im just babbling....before the first day of school. My mother told me the exact same thing she told me on the first day of secondary school. Do not go get a girlfriend. BLAST IT!! after 17years of existance. Id have expected her know me a little better than that. Of all the people i know. I find that im the one least likely to get involved with anyone. YET SHE TELLS ME THAT. Do i look like a child! for gods sake. im 17...you dont have to tell me how i should run my social life. Thats my own bloody business. If i feel like getting a female friend, then i will. But the fact is even my parents dont know me well enough to understand the way i think. hahaa! I have half the mind to go get one openly just to spite them. I mean it is about time i started dating.....hah! So its killing two...fucking ugly birds with one stone. BUT, i wont...because??? i dont know why because, im just not interested.
ok just wanted to get that out of the system
Bought the microbiology book today. Damned thing is so heavy. I am studying this course because i want to get into a line involving animals. I must constantly remind myself of that in order to keep focused.
Suhaila was sad. We all seem to learn things the hard way. Never appreciating what we already have. And complaining about it all the time till its beyond retrieval. Im always guilty of that. And i dont feel like changing it. Because when people think of how life was in the past, and find that somehow it was better than it is now. It distracts them from concentrating on making the best out of the present. I should be making the best out of what i have right now. But i cling on to the past like refusing to budge, i hold to it like a invaluable treasure. clutching it against my chest preventing anything from tarnishing my memories. And somehow i like living that way. Dwell in the past very often, i enjoy it. Im not doing the right thing, because i should be looking to the future. Im very sentimental
finally met jsamine in school. for the first time...damn..im lonely. I can live with it, but i miss the familiarity with everything from the surroundings to the people i used to enjoy back in secondary school. The friends you make in secondary school are the ones you keep for life! i was once told that. So now im missing them. I guess this is what the alumni is for. Why dont the idiots see that, and join the alumni. Keep the flame alive damn it.
Life goes on....
I hate starting with a sigh. Its the end of my weekend. Interesting one its been, and a very long one for that matter. Friday was nice...Yes, nice is vague, disgusting term which lit teachers loathe so much. But I cant remember much about it, so its nice la. Went for band. Had that erm, parade rehearsal. DAMN it was so poorly organized. Quite shocking. Adawiyah is the flag bearer. Finally someone doing what I had the honor of doing last year. Feels nice to know that other band members get to experience being part of a different segment of the parade. Rather than playing fanfares, slow marches and marching songs.
Ended the day feeling a bit confused, because there was this dilemma. You know...One of those really difficult life changing choices to make. WHICH MOVIE SHOULD WE WATCH? So final consensus was....SPIDERMAN 2. Yes, its about time I caught this film. Damn good shit, follows the the comic storyline well enough. With a few slight deviations. But, that's just for the sake of producing a good movie. So its forgivable. Before the movie started. We went to take them neoprints. hahaha, that was a slightly uncomfortable experience. Squeezing 11 people...4 of them pretty large ones, into a tiny booth which was the size of a big toilet cubicle. The pictures turned up fair enough. Makes lovely memories. Chen Pei's description of her brother's moans of pain while we were having dinner didn't sound very painful to me......I ate plenty that night. And spent half of dinner shooting people with ice. Joanna wore clothes with out extra string for the first bloody time..hahaha, its an improvement I guess.
End of movie, took a cab home with Eugene, Jun xiang and Delong...dunno how his name is spelt. Our cab driver was a real nutcase. He kept talking crap with us.
Saturday. woke up in the morning and went for band. *sigh* yet again. Unfortunately..i am in a state of limbo once again. If i rose up to take control...hahaha hostile takeover???? not really. Just the desire to bring some structure to a useless system...anyway, as i was saying. if i took the initiative...there would be plenty of unrest. So lets not interfere, and leave it for someone else. Right now, im satisfied. Even if im standing in the middle of nowhere. I really appreciate julian's and janice's efforts. Imagine that..me in their alumni. Now thats a real breakaway from the norm. It feels pleasent...yeah..i hope it works out. Because its rather important to me in some ways. Because im not joining a cca in poly. I will need something like this...a collective to feel a sense of belonging towards. Somewhere i can turn to after a tough week. That kinda thing. Its crucial part of having a balance. I hope no one strongly objects to my presence. hahaha
Saturday night, go for the SNYO concert. New experience. Ive never been to an orchestra concert before. Before the concert, went for dinner at this thai restaurant by the esplanade. Nice ambience honestly. And there was this live band there. So it was a night of music and lovely food. Ive never eaten thai food before honestly. hahahaa
After the meal. we roam about the esplande mall. My mood took a sudden downwards swing for a slight moment, i dont really want to talk about why...hm. So while they were indulging themselves in chocolates. I was sitting in one corner brooding. argh...like period like that sia...mood swing mood swing one...nah bei. I digress.....so when we were finally on the way into the theatre....ermmm by the way. we skipped the 1st half, because neither of us was particularly interested in the strings. Oops, straying again. I walked ahead of them, went first while they were gathering at the check point. Wanted to brood. Upon seeing the other half of the group already seated inside. they caught the first half u see...i mood went up again. hahaha. funny lor. I felt better..not by much, but better is always good. I really enjoyed the firebird suite. Its the first time ive ever heard it live. After concert, we headed down to 85 to snack. Two cups of milo and some carrot cake. hahaha, perfect stuff for supper.
Sunday. Wake up in the morning lost. Because i was unsure of the the day's activities. Rushed down to sommerset to meet the sideline gang. On the way there, learnt that someone had to go with chen pei to do miss sia's bidding. so i go la. Good and kind hearted mah.... Bloody shit. Not enough money lor. so we rush from sommerset to city hall den back to sommerset again. then back to city hall. When we finally ask for clarinase....the bitch pharmacist said that only 18 and above can buy. wah lao.....anyway. we got past that problem. Then bought miss sia's bk meal and took a cab to VCH. just to give it to her promptly. When we get their. she's in a stinky mood. When she pauses halfway thru a song to scold or smth. I go up to her and said miss sia...your food. She waves me away dismissively with a TSK. Sua la...i sat down on one of the seats to wait it out. Next pause. she scolds again. Then says...and no food in the theatre. BLast it man. Apparently she thought i was disturbing her continously...while the fact is that i only asked once. hahaha, i guess it means i have an imposing presence. so much so that shes affected while conducting, even if im sitting down!! hahahahaha. Old bitch...dunno how to appreciate our effort.
Met diane during the concert. hahaha, shes not changed. nice to see her again damn it.
THey went to fullerton for a snack after the concert. should have joined in, but financial problems lor. So went with the gang to raffles city for dinner. ONCE AGAIN....i shoot ice..den everyone start shooting ice. School starts tmr after a long weekend. damn, im done for now....
I have just completed my first week of school. The newest chapter in the book of life.
It's not been easy, let me tell you this. It is probably just me, i think im a person who takes a long time to adapt to changes in the environment. Unlike Ummar who has been settling in very smoothly. I am more or less still keeping to myself at most times. New school...different location, new timetable format, lack of uniformity. I would have to say that my biggest problem is the location of SP. Because of its location, i have to wake up 1 and a half hours before lessons begin to reach school on time. Damn i hate doing that. Subjects im going are pretty interesting, but they are not easy. The maths in particular is a huge challenge for me, as i have no A math background. People who think that poly might be more slack than JC are seriously wrong. It is merely a different style of studying. Something which requires more independence. Lectures are quite unusual, something i did not anticipate. They're almost the same as tutorials. Same group of people, attendence is taken in the same way. All conducted in this classroom or that classroom. At least now i dont feel isolated and lonely. Which is the way i felt in CJ....during lunchtime, i meet up with old friends from secondary school. Damn, i cant believe i just said that...old friends from SECONDARY school.
I have a goal..its to be a vet.
Went back to ping yi immediately after school. Nearly missed the comittee meeting. Norman has been doing a poor job as admin. Im quite angry with his attitude towards the post. He hasnt shown than hes capapble of working yet he has the balls to be defiant...maybe its just me. But everytime i was defiant, it was because i knew i could do a certain task or something of the like. And i just wanted to challenge the higher authority because i got a real kick out of it. Sometimes i just cant understand him, doesnt he want to find satisfaction in the work he does?
I learnt more about a "sucky" thing yesterday as well. Frankly, im shocked and slightly disgusted. But very entertained. hahahaha.
Felix broke a tooth yesterday, damned fool trying to show off. Did a pendulum throw with the heavy mace and broke of half of a tooth in the process.
Oh, im having financial problems of late. Damned poly food la. Tastes so good. so eat more lor. And eating more constitutes to spending more....sadness...
I now get to wear a lab coat! Give one a sense of self satisfaction!!
Played pool on wednesday night with ummar, dajie and joon chiat. BEAT ALL OF THEM! hahahahaa, TWICE EACH at least. hahahahahahahahahaaa
Wow, so it is finally over. It didn't register in my thick skull yesterday. But it is finally beginning to. The past 7-9 months have been an unbelievable journey. A trek along a beaten dirt path, in the thick wilderness in search of the holy grail. Its been a day since the finals. And still i find myself awed by all that we have achieved and all that we have learnt in the process. The tears we shed together, the relationships which we have built, the blood spilt and the pain we have had to endure throughout. Simply remarkable, now the fairy tale has come to an end. Words can barely express the emotions i felt while i watched the titans out in the field, putting months of toil to good use. The sudden influx of emotions i had...it was truly moving, as i viewed the performance through the huge television above the stadium. My eyes watered and a tear or two rolled down my cheeks. I was filled with so much pride and joy. I doubt the people standing around me noticed though. Hmm, the people standing around me, my comrades so to speak. The other seniors. Even as i scanned the formation for mistakes, flashes of many memorable events which occured during the past months rushed through my head like a bullet train filled with lovely memories.
The past few months are filled with memories so dear to me. ones which i will cherish for an eternity. i thank you all, titans, for all that you have given to me. You have added beautiful hues of bright color to my life. That book filled with notes of appreciation, the ice cream stick thing from my beloved section. Thank You! simple but creative ways to show your appreciation mean so much to me. And the cake. hahaha! wonderful effort!
It will take me quite some time to get over and accept all that has happened. 20 years from now...i might be telling my kids about how a certain group of people changed my life in so drastic a manner, that i cant begin to describe how much they mean to me.
And such is the power of frienship.
OH SHIT IM CRYING NOW!!!
In 2002, when i was part of the formation. I didnt feel anything remotely close to what i feel now. It was more or less. Ok, so its over. thats such a pity.
2004, its...oh damn.....that was fast......what happens next?
The past 7 months were wonderful. My priority was the band, i lost sleep over the band, skipped meals, neglected other things. But everything. every second of it was worth it. My passion lay with the titans. In my thoughts, and in my words. My heart sings a song of pride and jubilation at the sound of that very name.
This experience will be a shimmering pool in which i can dip my hands into, when in search of inspiration and motivation.
There is still so much to say, so feelings to express. oh parting is such sweet sorrow.
Titans, i hope you now know what it is like being a proper senior. One who supports the members even when the going is tough. Hopefully when you leave the band, you will be exactly the same. Perhaps even better.
What happens in the next chapter?? we have to wait and see. In every story there are many chapters. Here ends one lovely chapter. And the page will always have to be flipped, much like the hands of a clock, ticking away as time goes by.
There's more to be said of course. lets save it for another time
I came back as a senior of ping yi, but eventually became a senior of BOTH bands. Rather the titans!!
ps:guess that means i will go back for BOTH band practices
